as 2010 comes to an end...

As I sit down to reflect on 2010 and the year it has been...I find my heart filled with gratitude.

• I am grateful for my Savior. I am in awe of how God works and the lengths at which God will go to bring us back to Him...no matter how distant we feel from Him. The love, peace, and joy I have felt in the midst of whatever I might be going through, no matter how dark my circumstances seem has been simply incredible. I've learned that sometimes God is even more present in my life on the darkest of days. I am grateful for that and for the New Life that I have found in the One who guides my way with His light.


• I am grateful that life isn't always easy, but it's worth it. This year has been a continuous struggle for me personally but because of the difficulties I have faced, I am closer to God because I've had to trust in Him more than I ever had before. It's a good thing in a way, and I am so grateful that I can place my hope in Jesus because I know He will not let me down.

• I am grateful for time. Although time goes by quickly, I will forever cherish the time I am able to spend with those that I love so deeply. As this year has been a reality check in understanding that my loved ones won't be here on earth forever, I am grateful that in the end Jesus has won and death is overcome.


• I am grateful for the love that I receive from my family and friends. Through their love, I know that Jesus loves me.


• I am grateful for the ways in which God has and is moving in my life and in the lives of those around me. I went from longing to feel God's presence to feeling it in a tangible, incredible way.


• I am grateful for all the days of this year. The days that I laughed, cryed tears of joy and of heartache, the days that I felt good and the ones I felt bad, the happy days, and the not so happy days.


• I am grateful that God understands our prayers even when we don't have the words to say them. There have been countless times this year where I have layed in bed, with no words, and simply cried. I know that God knows my heart and I am so thankful for that.


• I am grateful for the people who are willing to listen to me, encourage me, laugh with me, cry with me, and pray for me.


• I am grateful that my life isn't what I thought it would be, and that it is more than I could have ever imagined.


• I am grateful that although I may not have the answers, God does. I am grateful that although I am uncertain, my God is not. I am grateful that God never ever lets go of me.


• I am grateful that I'm learning. Although, it's been a struggle for me, I am trusting and trying to understand that my plans for me might be different from God's plans for me. And although they may not match up, I know that God's plans for me are far greater than my plans for myself...and I just need to trust that He will lead me so that I can live the life that God has prepared for me.

• I am grateful for those who have shown me Jesus. For those who understand my pain, for those who see past my faults and see my potential, and for those who love me no matter what. I know that my God is real because there are people in this world who have shown me His love. Thank you.....to my mother, and my aunt, Terri.....and especially to my Mawmaw. These three women are my heroes, my inspirations, and my constant sources of love and encouragement. Forever grateful.

• I am grateful that... God can turn my trials into victories. God turns my mourning into dancing. God turns my sadness into joy. God turns my sorrow into strength. God gives my uneasy heart a tremendous feeling of peace. God understands my pain and can take it all away. God hears my prayers. God's timing is more than perfect, although sometimes that is difficult to understand. God has a plan for me and my life. God loves me unconditionally. God knows my heart. And God is always with me.


• I am grateful for a year that has taught me so much about life in general. I am grateful for all that God has done...and I am grateful that the best is yet to come. Here's to 2011.

It's free.

The other day in physical science, we were in groups...and two of my classmates brought up the subject of religion. Lately, it seems I just can't help myself when this topic comes up....I just have to say something. One of the group members said that she is agnostic...she said that she isn't atheist but she just doesn't know what to believe. To me, it seemed like she is searching...for something, and I don't think she even knows what it is. Finally, without even thinking I said, "You are more than welcome to come to church with me." She kind of laughed, to which I replied, "For real." She responded, "Don't try to sell me on the whole church, Jesus, and religion stuff." I'm not sure what came over me, but I replied and said, "I'm not trying to sell you anything, it's free."

It's free.

The love of God is free.

The forgiveness that Jesus offers is free.

The unreal and simply incredible way that God can change you from the inside out is free.

Totally free.

The restoration Jesus offers is free.

The joy and peace that comes from knowing Jesus is free.

Having the knowledge that there is a God that loves you and cares for you is free.

It's free.

Absolutely positively free ... no strings attached.

100% free.

Maybe you are searching for something and maybe you don't even know what it is ... Remember that sometimes you don't know what you are looking for until you find it. My prayer for you is that it may be Jesus. Because Jesus can be the something that you are looking for ... and Jesus can go from being the treasure you found to being your everything. I know I can say without a doubt that Jesus is everything to me.

It's free. And it can be all yours.

self-worth

Self-worth is a topic that has somewhat been bothering me. I feel that I have a strong sense of self-worth....but it saddens me to see so many who don't.

Self-worth is the sense of one's own value or worth as a person; self-esteem; or self-respect. In my eyes, self-worth is extremely important. It saddens me to see the lack of this in our society today. To see how people act, how they allow others to treat them, how they dress, etc. It's amazing how one person can have no respect for themselves at all.

"When you please others in hopes of being accepted, you lose your self-worth in the process." -Dave Pelzer

For example; Lady GaGa, Katy Perry, Britney Spears.... the list could go on and on. They are an example of what it is to not have self-worth. It's sad...because they are so much more in God's eyes, yet they portray themselves as sexual objects in order to be deemed successful. People are willing to surrender everything simply because they are craving attention. It's so sad.

They are so much more than that. I wish I could look them in the eyes and tell them that there is a God who made them, molded them, loves them, cares for them, sent His Son to die for them, and who believes they are worth it. It's time we (especially the women in the world) step up and realize that we deserve more respect than what some people treat us....it's time we became women of God, rather than immoral things. Don't do anything because you're afraid to say no....don't be afraid to put a stop to something that is bringing you down. All too often I hear about women who are treated as rugs instead of human beings.

"The only difference between men and women is that a man can normally bench press more than a woman." -John Bevere

You are so much more than that. Believe it. And believe in the God who created you to be so much more than you are treating yourself as.

Giving Thanks

I have so so so much to be thankful for. So many people, places, and belongings to thank God for...so much that I all too often take for granted. Giving thanks is important...realizing what we have and focusing on it rather than on things that we don't have. So, I'm going to take advantage of this blog and make a list of all that I am grateful for...

• Our Loving God. I am grateful for His constant, unfailing love. I am grateful for the fact that He has me in the palm of His hand....and that He will never let me go. It's wonderful to know that someone made me, cares for me, sent His one and only Son to die for me, understands my pain, and loves me.

• I am grateful for each breath I take....as I know that each day isn't guaranteed. I am grateful for every day that I wake up and get to enjoy this beautiful life...and I am grateful for the incredible life that God has given me.

• My parents. They have raised me to know and love Jesus....and I am thankful for that because I know many people my age who haven't had that advantage and are struggling to find their Savior. They provide for me, care for me, love me, and pray for me. They have seen me on my worst days and also my best. They have shown me the parents I want my own children to have someday. They have given me a home, no matter where we may live. They have been there and been the best parents a girl could ask for. I am certain that I am wrapped around my daddy's finger and I know for a fact my best friend is my mother. I am forever grateful for their love and presence in my life.

• My Mawmaw and my Pawpaw. My mother's parents. Their love and presence in my life means more than words can express. They have spoiled me, cared for me, and been there for me. Their hospitality and generosity constantly amaze me. Their house has been a home to me and is filled with so many memories. I am forever grateful for them.

• My aunt, Terri. We've laughed, cried, stayed up talking until 3 in the morning, shared our deepest feelings and dreams...she's prayed for me, loved me, encouraged me, and taught me so much. I am forever grateful for her. I am also thankful for Kim....my new math tutor and friend. They have both bent over backwards for me....and welcomed me into their home. I am forever grateful for their love and friendship.

• My sister, Sandi. She has been a friend to me as well as my sister. We laugh, shop, ride around, and have many inside jokes with one another. I am grateful for our many good times together. She is a blessing to me.

• My brother, Matt. I am thankful we can set our differences aside and still manage to have a good time. He taught me how to ride a bike and continues to be a wonderful big brother to me. I know that he will always have my back.

• My friends. Katy M, Kasey H, Emily W, Emily S, Hannah M, Hailey M, Kaden H....just to name a few. They make me laugh and smile on my worst days. They manage to brighten every day. They make school much more entertaining. They are always there. I am forever grateful for all of our friendships. We are each connected through the love of Christ...our friendships are promises that I'm certain won't be broken. Forever grateful for their presence in my life.

• I am grateful for the roof over my head and for the heat to keep me warm. I'm grateful for a warm bed to sleep in and a pillow to lay my head on.

• I am grateful for the food and clean water I've been given every single day when so many are lucky to get it at all. I am grateful that there isn't a question of whether I will have a meal, but what the meal might be.

• I am grateful for all of my senses. My sight....so that I may see all of God's beautiful creations that I all too often take for granted. My hearing....so that I can hear loved ones talking, music playing, and the laughter of children. I am grateful that I can touch and feel....so that I can hold my Mawmaw's hand. I am thankful for all of the little things that are so special to me.

• I am grateful for new life in Jesus. I am grateful and honored to be able to see my friends and family give their lives to Jesus. I am grateful for the move of God I find myself in.

• I am grateful for Elevation Church. For the many lives of those close to me that have been changed...all because they found Jesus through their ministry. It is such a blessing to me! I leave there and am spiritually fed week after week. I will never forget all of the amazing experiences I have had there....and the best is yet to come! :)

• I am grateful for Cornerstone Baptist Church. For providing me with a place to lead and love the children weekly. I enjoy my job there.

• I am grateful for children who bring me so much joy. I am grateful for the call that God has placed on my life to work with children. It is a blessing.....to lead and to love such amazing children... who have taught me so much.

• I am grateful for my dog, Buddy....he has shown me what unconditional love is.

• I am grateful for any and everyone who has made a lasting impact on my life. Those who have come into my life for a reason, a season, and a lifetime.

Thank you Jesus....

My Life

I was thinking about something I saw somewhere..."Did you imagine your life would be like it is today?"

I started thinking about it....and I started thinking about what I never imagined...the good and the bad. I never imagined I would be worrying about a heart problem before the age of sixteen. I never imagined I'd be struggling daily to simply feel well. I never imagined I'd have so many bad days. There's a lot of things that I never imagined about my life that are not so easy. But, there are even more things I never imagined about my life that are incredible. I never imagined I'd be so blessed to have such wonderful people surrounding me daily and occassionally. I never imagined how it would feel while witnessing friends give their lives to Christ. I never imagined that I would see God move in such remarkable ways. I never imagined I could have so much joy in spite of all the bad stuff around me....all because of Jesus. I never imagined my life would be this wonderful. I never imagined my life would be like it is today...right now. And for that, I am grateful. I am grateful that I didn't know years ago what I would be struggling with and facing today...and I am grateful that all that God had in store for me today was kept as a surprise....because it wouldn't be near as exciting if I knew it was going to happen. I am grateful that I don't know what the future holds, because it means I can look forward to it as well as grow in my walk of faith with the Lord as I trust He will see me through my times of obstacles and joy.

You see, sometimes...it's best not to know....because, in spite of all the bad stuff....God will always cover it up with a whole lot of good. And He's made my life more than I could have ever imagined.

New Life in Jesus.

I am overwhelmed, amazed, and blessed to be able to witness, be a part of, and experience God move in such incredible ways. A few months ago I was longing to feel God's presence in my life...and now I've seen God move in more ways than I could have ever imagined. He is just so good.

This weekend was extremely special to me. Last week, I invited one of my friends (who I knew was going through a difficult time) to Elevation. I encouraged her to join me and was simply hoping she would come and enjoy it...and maybe decide to come back again. God had bigger and better things in mind. Not only did she come and enjoy it....but she accepted Jesus Christ as her personal Lord and Savior. She felt like God was speaking to her in a mighty way. For this....I am forever grateful. Nothing makes me more happy than to see my friends begin their walk with Jesus. I wasn't expecting this. I was just hoping she would simply come...but instead she came and her life is forever changed. Isn't that amazing?

All I did was invite her...and God did all the rest. It is simply incredible. I am certain that this weekend will be one I never ever forget. I am thankful that when we take the step and ask Jesus into our hearts we receive new life. And I am glad that we, as Christians, are able to share the good news of Jesus...so that others, too, may find new life and HOPE in the One who died so that we may live.

in awe of my Savior

I have failed to blog lately...so here I am...trying to make the words flow, and knowing that maybe, just maybe, if I begin typing, my heart and my fingers will do all the work. That's the beauty of blogging and expressing yourself.

I find myself in total awe. I am in awe of my Savior who has managed to rescue me from so much. I often think about how amazing it is that I had the opportunity to be raised in a church, to learn about Jesus and begin to fall in love with him at a young age. I see so many people who didn't grow up in church...I see so many who are so far from God, longing to feel something...anything...and they are turning to all the wrong things, like drugs, alcohol, sex, the wrong crowds, etc...and they aren't finding the hope that only Jesus can offer. It makes me so very sad...and my prayer is that those of us who have encountered the love of Christ...those of us that know Jesus and are forever changed by Him...that we will live in such a way that others may see Jesus in us, through our actions and through our words.

I find myself in awe of how God manages to speak to me. On Sunday at Elevation, Pastor Furtick's sermon was on idolatry and how sometimes we get so wrapped up in the people in our lives we forget about the God who blessed us with those people. He said, "There is no security outside of the security we have in our relationship with Jesus." All too often I put my hope in people, I trust in them a little too much...and all too often I find myself upset that they have let me down. Because....people will fail you, but Jesus never fails. His love prevails. What a blessing.

I find myself in awe of all that God has done in my life and in my relationship with Him. Too many times I've found myself talking about God, and others will look at me like I'm crazy...they simply don't understand the "Jesus thing"....they don't understand what is so wonderful about getting out of bed on Sunday morning and going to a place where you can lift your praises up to the God who loves you, has a plan for you, cares for you, made you, lives inside of you, and has changed you literally from the inside out. They don't understand how even on your worst days you have something to be joyful about. They don't understand it, and sometimes as much as those of us who do understand the love of God want to share that love with others, sometimes it's a matter of them opening their eyes and seeking Him for themselves....but as Christians, I think it's important for us to live in such a way that will light the way for those that are seeking and for those that simply need Him. I pray that those who are longing to feel something...that they may feel Jesus' love in the most tangible way possible. I am in awe of Jesus and I am thankful that he has changed me....and that he is still changing me. Without Jesus, I have nothing...but with Him, I have everything I could possibly desire.

"I am a Christian"

I am a Christian
By Maya Angelou

When I say..."I am a Christian"
I'm not shouting "I'm clean livin'."
I'm whispering "I was lost,
Now I'm found and forgiven."

When I say..."I am a Christian"
I don't speak of this with pride.
I'm confessing that I stumble
and need Christ to be my guide.

When I say..."I am a Christian"
I'm not trying to be strong.
I'm professing that I'm weak
And need His strength to carry on.

When I say..."I am a Christian"
I'm not bragging of success.
I'm admitting I have failed
And need God to clean my mess.

When I say..."I am a Christian"
I'm not claiming to be perfect,
My flaws are far too visible
But, God believes I am worth it.

When I say..."I am a Christian"
I still feel the sting of pain.
I have my share of heartaches
So I call upon His name.

When I say..."I am a Christian"
I'm not holier than thou,
I'm just a simple sinner
Who received God's good grace, somehow!

child-like faith

I work with children often, and am constantly amazed at what they have taught me about life in general. A child's faith is admirable. It's incredible. They don't question things like we do...most of the time they don't worry about the if's, and's, or but's...they simply trust in God. Often times they don't even realize it.

They know that life isn't always easy...but they don't wonder "if" God can do something, they know that God "can." They know that God is for them, not against them....and that is so remarkable to me. As I was babysitting on Wednesday night at church, I was completely caught off guard as one of the kids pulled me aside and said, "Miss Megan? Can I tell you something?" It isn't very often that this happens so I was very intrigued as to what she was going to say, so I listened close....she continued to say, "My daddy lost his job on Monday and really needs a new one. Will you pray for him?" I couldn't pass the moment up and quickly stood up and got the other kids' attention. I told them that we needed to pray for her dad...and asked if anyone else needed prayer. Every single hand in the room shot up. One boy raised his hand and said his dad was out of town for work and he asked that we pray he return home safely. One girl raised her hand and asked that we pray for her mom's cold to go away. It was incredible to me. I took the opportunity to pray with them...and for them, and I'll probably never forget that moment.

It showed me that a child's faith is something that we all need. These kids weren't wondering if God could really help their situation, they instead knew that God would help their situation. They know and understand that nothing is too small for us to bring to God's attention....and nothing, absolutely nothing is too big for God to handle. They know that God is bigger than anything...no matter how big or how small. Nothing is too difficult for our God to conquer. Absolutely nothing. God can do all things....we just have to have a child's faith and believe that God will.

I was thinking about how amazing children are...along with the incredible faith that their hearts can hold....and I was reminded of another little boy in my church. He is seven years old and the doctors' found a mass in his brain. When he went back months later (if I'm not mistaken) for an MRI, the mass had disappeared. The doctor couldn't explain how it went away with no treatment....it didn't make sense and clearly wouldn't be explained in a medical textbook. But, my mom told me the story that his mother told one day at church....and she said that the little boy looked at his doctor and said, "I know what happened...God took it away." He knew it, he was sure of it....and understood that all things are possible with God. ALL things....no matter how big or small. What seems impossible to us is not even remotely difficult for God.

Sometimes we all just need to have a little child-like faith and simply believe.


This reminds me of a song called "Our God" by Chris Tomlin. Here are the lyrics.

Water You turned into wine
Open the eyes of the blind
There’s no one like You
None like You
Into the darkness You shine
Out of the ashes we rise
There’s no one like You
None like You

Our God is greater, our God is stronger
God You are higher than any other
Our God is Healer, awesome in power
Our God, Our God…

Into the darkness you shining
Out of the ashes we Rise
There’s no One like You
None like You.

Our God is greater, our God is stronger
God You are higher than any other
Our God is Healer, awesome in power
Our God, Our God…
Our God is greater, our God is stronger
God You are higher than any other
Our God is Healer, awesome in power
Our God, Our God…

And if Our God is for us, then who could ever stop us
And if our God is with us, then what can stand against?
And if Our God is for us, then who could ever stop us
And if our God is with us, then what can stand against?
What can stand against?

Our God is greater, our God is stronger
God You are higher than any other
Our God is Healer, awesome in power
Our God, Our God…
Our God is greater, our God is stronger
God You are higher than any other
Our God is Healer, awesome in power
Our God, Our God…

And if Our God is for us, then who could ever stop us
And if our God is with us, then what can stand against?
And if Our God is for us, then who can ever stop us
And if our God is with us, then what can stand against?
Then what can stand against?
Then what can stand against?

Our God is greater, our God is stronger
God You are higher than any other
Our God is Healer, awesome in power
Our God, Our God…
Our God is greater, our God is stronger
God You are higher than any other
Our God is Healer, awesome in power
Our God, Our God…

Click here to listen to the song.

Reminded of my Healer.

This morning, I woke up feeling absolutely terrible. I've struggled this year with episodes where my heart continually races, where I feel dizzy, lightheaded, and extremely fatigued. I have my good days, but I also have my share of bad days. This morning was bad, and the feeling hit me quickly. Somehow God managed to prove just how wonderful He is to me....again. The song "Healer" by Hillsong popped into my head. I hadn't listened to it in quite some time, but the words just kept replaying over and over again in my head. I believe that God knew that I needed to be reminded that He is my Healer.

Here are the lyrics.
HEALER by Hillsong

You hold my every moment
You calm my raging seas
You walk with me through fire
And heal all my disease

I trust in You
I trust in You

I believe You're my Healer
I believe You are all I need
I believe You're my Portion
I believe You're more than enough for me
Jesus You're all I need

You hold my every moment
You calm my raging seas
You walk with me through fire
And heal all my disease

I trust in You
I trust in You

I believe You're my Healer
I believe You are all I need
I believe You're my Portion
I believe You're more than enough for me
Jesus You're all I need

Nothing is impossible for You
Nothing is impossible for You
Nothing is impossible for You
You hold my world in Your hands

Nothing is impossible for You
Nothing is impossible for You
Nothing is impossible for You
You hold my world in Your hands

I believe You're my Healer
I believe You are all I need
I believe You're my Portion
I believe You're more than enough for me
Jesus You're all I need


The lines "Nothing is impossible for You," "I believe You're my Healer," "Jesus You're ALL I need," and "You hold my every moment...You calm my raging seas...You walk with me through fire...And heal all my disease." echoed in my head. I know that it is true...and for that I am thankful. I am grateful to be a child of a God who holds my every moment and walks with me in the fire. I am grateful to be a child of a God who loves me, cares for me, and who has the ultimate power to heal me. I am grateful to be a child of a God who is MORE than enough for me....I am grateful that what seems impossible to me is not even remotely difficult for my God. I'm grateful that when I'm losing my grip, God is there to tighten it. I'm grateful that when I need more strength, God can BE my strength. I am so grateful that God is with me through it all. Today, I was reminded of my Healer.

Jesus.....You're ALL I need.

spiritually fed.

This year started out strong for me spiritually. I was ready to run the race God had put before me. The year progressed, and the strong sense of God's presence was fading in my spiritual life. By the time we hit the half way mark, I was longing to feel God's presence surrounding me in a tangible way. I was trying so hard to feel something that seemed like it wasn't there. It was almost like I was a digging in the ground in hopes to end up on the other side of the world...something that seemed impossible. I was discontent...longing to be spiritually fed.

I knew exactly what I was looking for, what I needed, and what I so longed to feel. My aunt and I were texting, she simply said the words, "You need to be spiritually fed." And as I read that text message, I realized that was exactly what I needed. I decided one night a few weeks ago to go to Elevation...I went by myself to clear my head, I had lots on my mind and knew Jesus could do just that. I went and was amazed at how quickly God's presence entered the room. I got goosebumps....it was as if God was in the room sitting right in front of me. His presence was so real. My heart was full. I was content. What I had longed to feel for so long had finally arrived. I left that amazing place of worship refreshed and rejuvenated. It was the most incredible thing. That night, I was spiritually fed. And since then, I would definitely say I have been even more so. I found exactly what I needed, was looking for, and what I longed for....and I found it all in Jesus.

My relationship with God is no where near perfect. I don't always feel God's presence...it's not like I walk into a church and His presence automatically comes over me. I don't have access to some magical switch to feel God's presence. It's the fact that God is always there, but sometimes it's just a matter of letting yourself feel Him.

He had been there all along, but I let myself feel His love around me...and He fed me. Spiritually.

"Jesus is always there, it's just a matter of opening your eyes and finding Him."

life lately...

It seems like forever since I've blogged. I sit down to write, but words just don't come. I've been in a funk...I feel like I've had one too many bad days, and many difficult things to deal with lately. Ever just been so sick and tired of things that you just can't stand it? When you don't know whether to cry or scream? That's where I've been lately.

However...
I'm thankful that God knows my heart...and that He holds my head UP when the only direction it wants to go is down. I'm thankful that especially in the midst of all that is going on around me, God's been there the whole time. I'm thankful that weeping may last for a night, but dancing comes in the morning. I'm thankful for the light that I am certain will shine at the end of this tunnel, even though right now I feel like I'm in the darkness. I'm thankful that when I am in the darkness, God is there to hold my hand, and be my flashlight.

"I may be weak, but Your Spirit's strong in me. My flesh may fail but my God, You never will. Give me faith, to trust what You say....that You're good...and Your Love is great."

I Will Not Be Moved

I'm determined that no matter what conflict, doubt, illness, or difficult circumstance that comes my way, I will not be moved. Jesus is my refuge and my strength. He is my light in the darkness. He holds the key to my heart, and I'm certain that He's got me in the Palm of His mighty hand. I will not be moved...

"Will Not Be Moved"
By Natalie Grand

I have been the wayward child
I have acted out
I have questioned Sovereignty
And had my share of doubt
And though sometimes my prayers feel like
They're bouncing off the sky
The hand I hold won't let me go
And is the reason why...

I will stumble
I will fall down
But I will not be moved
I will make mistakes
I will face heartache
But I will not be moved
On Christ the Solid Rock I stand
All other ground is sinking sand
I will not be moved

Bitterness has plagued my heart
Many times before
My life has been like broken glass
And I have kept the score
Of all my shattered dreams and though it seemed
That I was far too gone
My brokenness helped me to see
It's grace I'm standing on

I will stumble
I will fall down
But I will not be moved
I will make mistakes
I will face heartache
But I will not be moved
On Christ the Solid Rock I stand
All other ground is sinking sand
I will not be moved

And the chaos in my life
Has been a badge I've worn
Though I have been torn
I will not be moved

I will stumble
I will fall down
But I will not be moved
I will make mistakes
I will face heartache
But I will not be moved
On Christ the Solid Rock I stand
All other ground is sinking sand
I will not be moved

Being Thankful.

Today, I am thankful. I am thankful for the many blessings God has poured out to me. I am thankful that....

God can turn my trials into victories.
God turns my mourning into dancing.
God turns my sadness into joy.
God turns my sorrow into strength.
God gives my uneasy heart a tremendous feeling of peace.
God understands my pain and can take it all away.
God hears my prayers.
God's timing is more than perfect, although sometimes that is difficult to understand.
God has a plan for me and my life.
God loves me unconditionally.
God knows my heart.
And God is always with me.

I am thankful that whenever I feel like no one cares and I've got no one to lean on, God is always with me...God holds me just when I need to feel His Almighty arms around me. His presence is very real. God knows just what we need, before we need it.

As I got in the car to come babysit today at the crack of dawn, I was exhausted not wanting to do anything, but I sucked it up and turned on my favorite radio station. The song "I Can Only Imagine" by Mercy Me came on. I turned it up as loud as I could possibly stand it....and let the words flow to my heart. "I can only imagine, what my eyes will see when Your face stands before me..." God works in amazing ways. I needed to hear that song today....and God knew just what I needed before I knew I needed it. It is difficult for me to always feel God's presence on an ordinary, nothing special, kind of day....but today I'm thankful that I felt it. I am thankful for the beautiful ways in which God works. I'm thankful.....

waiting on the Lord.

I cannot believe summer is almost over. I am so nostalgic about this amazing summer ending. It has been wonderful, filled with amazing places, incredible people, and a whole lot of love. As the school year arrives, I find myself scared. Not because I am nervous about school, new classes, and new teachers....but because last school year was by far the most difficult. I struggled every single day and had a hard time finding the energy to make it through each day. This past week, my family and I went to the mall....I found myself getting weaker by the moment, I felt so lightheaded I thought I was going to faint. It is so very discouraging when trying to push yourself, and then realizing that you are not able, and that you need to stop trying to do so much. Especially when at one point in your life, a trip to the mall wasn't too much to handle. I still don't have a diagnosis, but still struggle daily. Many times I don't announce the difficulty I am having, I keep it to myself, determined to keep going...I push myself until I literally cannot take it anymore. The thought of this school year exhausts me. If it weren't for my heart problem, I may actually look forward to school starting. So, I am hoping and praying that I will have the strength and stamina to make it through...without having as many heart episodes. I trust that my Ultimate Healer will see me through.

They that wait upon the Lord shall renew their strength; they shall mount up with wings as eagles; they shall run, and not be weary; they shall walk, and not faint. Isaiah 40:31

Be Still and Know, Another Wave, Being Made Whole, New Life.

I am at the beach and my computer is not with me because it has died, and I'm hopeful that it will be brought back to life by someone soon...but I've had so many thoughts rolling around in my head that I need to blog. So, until my computer is fixed, I will be blogging from my phone. You know I am dying to write when I am willing to type on this tiny keyboard.

Anyhow. I've spent the past 6 days in the sun, sand, and water...admiring God's creations. I'm realizing how the simple things in life are really the best. And I've been amazed at what time alone with my thoughts can do. Just by observing I've realized a few things.

The ocean is a lot like our lives. Sometimes we have to get past those really large waves and trust in God that we will get through them...and we have to 'Be still and Know' that once we are past those waves we will be rewarded with all of God's goodness. As my dad and I have been out in the ocean, we've been reminded of how difficult it can be (especially in high tide) to get beyond the waves. It takes a lot more strength than one would think, but, once you are beyond the waves you are rewarded with water that is much more peaceful....where the waves aren't quite as strong. Isn't that similar to our lives? Don't we wonder if the "waves" will pull us under? Don't we have to trust and have deep faith in knowing that once we are past that wave things will calm down? Sometimes we need to 'Be Still and Know that God is...God'.

Another thing I've noticed with the ocean in comparison to our lives is that where there's always another wave, we are always given a second chance. If we can believe and ask Jesus for forgiveness for our sins, we can be given another chance. We are given the opportunity to let Jesus come into our hearts and completely change them, and change us from the inside out. Much like the waves in the ocean, we can be given a second chance....a new life in Jesus Christ.

As I've sat along the shore, looking at the shells....I've realized that perhaps WE are the seashells, and our lives are represented by the ocean. None of the shells are perfect...not one. In fact, most are broken, scattered, buried, and stepped on. Haven't we all been there at one point? Haven't we all felt broken, buried, or stepped on? Haven't we all felt so far from perfect? Haven't we all been there? I think so. The best part is that Jesus feels our pain, He can put our pieces together and make us whole. Jesus knows when we are hurting. He knows when we feel buried or stepped on. Jesus knows our hearts...and although we can try to do everything in our ability to make ourselves happy, only Jesus can fill that empty place in our heart. Jesus can make us whole, even when we are cracked and broken. And today, I am thankful that Jesus has put all of my pieces back together. Today, I am grateful that Jesus Christ lives in me. I am whole.

If your heart belongs to Jesus....say "amen."

Charleston, SC :)

I have so much to blog about, and since I can't blog about my entire summer in one post, I'll start off by telling you about the amazing twelve days I spent in Charleston with two of my favorite people, Terri (aka Tewi) and Kim. It was wonderful...every single minute. There is something so beautiful about growing closer to those you are already close to.

Of all the time I spent there, the time I loved most was being at my aunt's church during worship and bible study. Church is one of my favorite things, and to hear my aunt preach and lead bible study was so special to me. I am so proud of her and all that God is doing in her and through her.

We laughed a lot. We talked a ton..had some great deep conversations. We watched movies. We played UNO -- and I am the UNO queen even though Kim would say she is. ;) We went downtown. Played Truth or Dare, and ignored the "dare" part. It was grand.

It was special in so many ways. I didn't want to leave, and as good as it is to be home, I'm missing Terri and Kim soooo much. I'm already looking forward to the next visit.

I am so blessed to have such great people in my life....People who are not only fun to be around but who also inspire me! Thank you for having me, Tewi and Kim. You two are the best. No joke. I am glad to know I always have a place other than home where I am always welcome. I love you and miss you, T & KP.

Happy (belated) Birthday to my Momma

All of my life I've heard, "You are just like your Mom," ... this is the best compliment I think I will ever receive during my entire life. My mom is a beautiful woman of God who lives for Jesus, puts her children first, loves unconditionally, teaches me to be the best that I can be, cares for me, prays for me without ceasing, and understands my joy and my pain...she carried me in her body for nine months, went through so much just to deliver me, and she loves me more than anyone (besides Jesus.) We have a bond that cannot and will not be broken. She is my momma and my friend. She is beautiful and strong...she is everything I wish to be.

Happy Birthday to you! Happy Birthday to you! Happy Birthday dear Momma! Happy Birthday to you!! Hope your day was as wonderful as you are!

This poem is for you...I couldn't have said it any better!

"Because You're My Mom"

© Linda Arlene Fassett

Because you are my mom you loved me before I was ever seen

You thanked God for this miracle, this little human being

So exciting, yet fragile it all must have seemed to you then

Hearing my little heart beat inside you, now life begins

Because you are my mom no pain was too great for you to bear

Now you’re a mother and I your child with joys and pains to share

And so into this world my life began each breath now on my own

One day we will look back at just how much I’ve grown

Because you are my mom you worried for me within your every bone

You finally let go of my little hand to take my first steps on my own

Because you are my mom you showed me through the years

To care about others and their feelings and the things that they hold dear

Because you are my mom you taught me right from wrong

Understanding that my faith in God will forever keep me strong

Showing me that being my own person is the only tool

I’ll need When morals and values are your foundation to succeed

Because you are my mom you loved me enough to also be my friend

You would be right there in ways that no one could see or ever comprehend

When there was no way I thought you could ever understand

There you would be, non-judging and willing to lend a hand

Because you are my mom, God’s gift to me was you

As your daughter I will always love you and promise to be true

I thank you for so many things and will try to never make you sad or blue

Because you are my mom, and one-day I will be a mother too

I pray I never forget all that you’ve been through

I am your daughter and in your image I am proud to be

By the grace of the Lord you were created, and then I came to be

I love you, Momma! :)

peace

I originally wrote the following post weeks ago on the blogger app on my phone. Some how I neglected to post it.... I was planning to blog today for my beautiful Momma's birthday...but, my computer is down right now and I wanted to write a lot and post pics...so that post will be a little late but extra special! Happy Birthday Momma! I love you! <3

Here's the post...written weeks ago....

The past year of my life has probably been the most difficult yet. I was overwhelmed with sicknesses, week after week, day after day. Bronchitis multiple times, pneumonia, pleurisy, strep throat. You name it, I've probably had it. These sicknesses escalated to something even scarier...I began having issues with my heart, and began to feel bad, having good and bad days. I still have my bad days, but summer makes all things easier.. Through all this sickness, all the worry, all the scare, all the "what ifs", I've had an amazing sense of peace.

I managed to find peace in every storm with Jesus. He has showered me with blessings in times of trials. Even when I felt overwhelmed with everything around me, I felt God's love....and He holds me, and squeezes me a little tighter, just when I need Him. Without God, I would have lost it by now. I am grateful....grateful to have Jesus as my Rock and my Strength. He provides me with all that I will ever need. Especially peace.

I don't think I have ever been more at peace.

how I'm doing...

Life is so busy...and I'm so thankful for the energy and strength that God gives me on a daily basis even when things are hectic. I wonder sometimes what I would do without Him and the love that He pours out to us.

My friend Kasey and I attended the Rascal Flatts and Kellie Pickler concert...before it began, and the days leading up to it, I was filled with so much fear... After all of these health problems I've had, and the scares I've had with feeling like I could faint, pass out, etc. in even the air conditioning -- I was so nervous that I would pass out in the heat especially. It was so hot outside, and I was so afraid that the inevitable would happen. Sure enough, before we met Kellie, I felt awful...I felt like I could have dropped to the ground any second...Kasey immediately told me to sit down, and I bought an ice cold bottle of water and sucked it down. A little later I felt a little better, but it was so scary. I'm so glad I was able to feel better after that and enjoy the evening....I give all the glory to God for that one! He is so good to me...

On the outside looking in, I look fine...I look like I feel great, but in reality I have many bad days. Days where I wonder how I am even going to get out of bed. And like today, it took me until almost 1 pm to get up. There are many days I keep everything inside, and sometimes when I feel bad I don't tell a single soul...but the One who needs to know, knows. Thank you God. I'm so grateful...grateful that when I'm at my weakest, God gives me strength.

So, I guess I could say that I'm doing alright...considering. I'm just living each day and trying not to take anything for granted. I'm doing all that I can, pushing myself as much as possible, and depending on God to get me through it all. And with the help of amazing family and friends, I'm gonna make it.

Meeting Kellie Pickler

My friend Kasey and I went to the Rascal Flatts, Kellie Pickler, and Chris Young concert with no intentions of meeting any of them. We went expecting very little, and recieved more than we could even begin to ask for! We arrived to find out we would be meeting Kellie Pickler and Chris Young that evening. We were VIPs and were able to meet and greet Kellie and Chris. We talked to them, hugged them, got pictures with them. We ate BBQ with the other VIPs, sang Happy 24th Birthday to Kellie, and ate her cake! Kellie is soo sweet, and I was so thrilled to have met her! It was incredible! All of it was topped off with incredible performances by Rascal Flatts, Kellie Pickler, and Chris Young! I am on cloud nine! I'm so pumped....and I still can't believe this happened, but I'm thankful, and excited beyond belief! What an amazing day filled with events I'll remember forever! Special thanks to Kasey for making this happen! :)

What I've learned . . .

I have so much to say and so much going on in my head, yet I don't even know how to put it all into words, I'm hoping that if I just start typing words will begin to flow. One thing I'm extremely thankful for is that God knows our prayers even when we don't have the words to say them. God knows our mind, He knows our every thought, and He most importantly knows our heart. What a great thing.

I had a New Year's Post earlier this year, and since 2010 is halfway over, I thought I'd reflect a little. Here are a few things I've learned.

1. Jesus is always with me. I've know this forever, but I feel like this year I have been more dependent on Jesus than ever. No matter what struggle I'm facing, how bad I feel, or what difficulty lies ahead, I am overwhelmed with peace knowing that Jesus is with me and He will not leave me nor forsake me.
2. God is bigger than every conflict, difficulty, weakness, struggle, or sickness. I'm thankful that whatever problem I have, God is bigger than it, and with God ALL things are possible!
3. Memories are something you can hold onto forever. "A good memory is one that can remember the day's blessing and forget the day's trouble."
4. Don't worry about anything, pray about everything. I've wasted too many days worrying, and I'm slowly but surely learning that through prayer your worries can disappear.
5. You can't change other people, but you can strive to be more like Jesus so they see Jesus in you.
6. "If God is with us, who can stand against us?" Ain't God good???
7. "Sometimes we want God to change our circumstances, but God wants to use our circumstances to change us." I cannot begin to explain how much this quote has helped me. Makes me realized that it isn't my plans for my life, but rather God's plans for my life.
8. I've realized who means the most to me, who will always be there, who has my back, and who truly loves me for me. "A true friend knows your weaknesses but shows you your strengths; feels your fears but fortifies your faith; sees your anxieties but frees your spirit; recognizes your disabilities but emphasizes your possibilities." --sounds like Jesus to me.
9. I've learned that some people only tear you down, whereas true friends are there to build you up. We need to surround ourselves with people who lift us higher.
10. "Life is meaningless only if we allow it to be. Each of us has the power to give life meaning, to make our time and our bodies and our words into instruments of love and hope." - Tom Head
11. Jesus can change your life, if you let Him.
12. God is good, ALL the time! Even on our darkest of days when we think things can't get any worse, God's love shines through.
13. Life isn't always easy, if life was easy - why would we need God?
14. Our perspective and attitude can make a world of difference.
15. Faith can do absolutely anything. Nothing at all is impossible with Jesus. This song is a great reminder of that.

"What Faith Can Do" - By Kutless

Everybody falls sometimes
Gotta find the strength to rise
From the ashes and make a new beginning
Anyone can feel the ache
You think its more than you can take
But you are stronger, stronger than you know
Don't you give up now
The sun will soon be shining
You gotta face the clouds
To find the silver lining

I've seen dreams that move the mountains
Hope that doesn't ever end
Even when the sky is falling
And I've seen miracles just happen
Silent prayers get answered
Broken hearts become brand new
That's what faith can do

It doesn't matter what you've heard
Impossible is not a word
It's just a reason for someone not to try
Everybody's scared to death
When they decide to take that step
Out on the water
It'll be alright
Life is so much more
Than what your eyes are seeing
You will find your way
If you keep believing

I've seen dreams that move the mountains
Hope that doesn't ever end
Even when the sky is falling
And I've seen miracles just happen
Silent prayers get answered
Broken hearts become brand new
That's what faith can do

Overcome the odds
You don't have a chance
(That's what faith can do)
When the world says you can't
It'll tell you that you can!

I've seen dreams that move the mountains
Hope that doesn't ever end
Even when the sky is falling
And I've seen miracles just happen
Silent prayers get answered
Broken hearts become brand new
That's what faith can do
That's what faith can do!
Even if you fall sometimes
You will have the strength to rise

school's out for summer....

Summer came after months of anticipation and waiting. After a week of stressful exams, God rewarded me with the happiness of grades that impressed me after I doubted myself multiple times...He showed me that 'impossible is not a word, it's just a reason for someone not to try.' He showed me that my times of trials and obstacles can be rewarded with triumphs and victories.

I don't think any school year has ever been so difficult. Each day felt like it knocked me down and left me feeling weak. I don't think I have ever in my life wanted to give up so much. I don't think I have ever had to push myself so much to keep on going. Through all the sicknesses, dr appts, and not knowing....it wasn't an easy year. Classes weren't a piece of cake... BUT, God showed me that ALL things are POSSIBLE. He showed up and showed out many of times when I needed Him, and even times I thought I could do it all on my own, but in reality, couldn't. God IS my strength. He has taught me so much this year....

And He has brought me a summer that will be full of love, laughter, life, and memories.

Ain't God good??? :) I am so thankful. Thank you to all my friends, family, and prayer warriors....and thank you God....

May 22, 2005

May 22nd of 2005, five years ago, I placed my faith in Jesus. I was 10 years old and in the fifth grade, life was good, but there is always that longing for something 'more.' The something more I needed was a relationship with Jesus. I had been in church all of my life, but had never had a TRUE relationship with Him. I learned about Him, loved Him, loved church, etc....but it wasn't until that year (2005)I really got serious about it.

At the age of 10, I can't say I was really all that serious considering my age, but I can say that my relationship with Christ has grown tremendously in these five years. He loves us so much, and is bigger than any health problem, confict, issue, or sickness.

I realize it isn't May 22nd. I'm slightly behind....and I hate I missed such a milestone, but I was reminded of this special day today. This guy in my class, the farthest thing from serious, brought up God, church, and religion. He asked what the difference was between any old day of the week and Sunday. To which my friend replied, "Sunday is the day devoted to God. And He can change your life." He didn't want to believe a word either of us said, and continued by saying, "What is so great about God anyway? Prove to me he exists and I'll believe you." He didn't want to believe it. Surely there isn't a Heaven? Surely God isn't worth it? Surely there isn't more to life? You can fill that empty space in your life and in your heart. There IS a God who is loving and forgiving. There IS a heaven. God IS worth it. There IS more to life.

I couldn't be more thankful for what God has done in my life. He's changing me....into a better person. The best thing I ever did was say that simple prayer. May 22nd, 5 years ago changed my life. God has made everything worth it. He's made everything bearable, and He's made running this race a whole lot easier.

On August 14th 2005, I was baptized. I professed my faith, for my family and church to see. What a great thing....so grateful to be celebrating 5 wonderful, amazing years ALL because of Jesus!

My Plans vs. God's Plans For Me

I've always had this "idea" or "plan" in my head as to where I'm going in life. I plan to finish high school, attend a 4-year college, become a teacher, get married, have children, eventually get my Master's Degree in Education, etc.

I have this plan for my own life, but I'm realizing that it's not about MY plan, it's about HIS plan...God's plan for my life. God's got better plans for me than I do for myself. I have to let God use me to further His kingdom and I want to fulfill his purpose for me.

God knows who I am, where I've been, and where I'm going ... I just need to TRUST that.

"For I know the plans I have for you," declares the LORD, "plans to prosper you and not to harm you, plans to give you hope and a future." Jeremiah 29:11

Trust in the LORD with all your heart and lean not on your own understanding; in all your ways acknowledge him, and he will make your paths straight. Proverbs 3:5-6

And we know that in all things God works for the good of those who love him, who have been called according to his purpose. Romans 8:28

I'm going to stick with God's plan and see just where He takes me. :)

heart monitor...

This morning, after weeks of waiting, I got my heart monitor. I think I am more relieved than anything...the fact that there IS a light at the end of this long tunnel...and the fact that my doctor might be able to figure out just what is going on...is a huge relief. It's scary...but it's a blessing in disguise. I'm believing in God, knowing that He is my Rock. I'm letting Him hold me. God is good, ALL the time! I will praise Him through every storm. One day, I'll know "why" this is happening and hopefully get it treated.

Although I feel like I am too young to be having to wear a heart monitor, and wouldn't wish these symptoms on anyone...I think I've learned to never, ever take anything for granted. The simplest of tasks: walking, going up a set of stairs, standing up quickly, taking a long shower, getting out of a bathtub, walking school halls..... these have become difficult, and I've learned that we just can't take anything for granted because the things that were once easy can become very difficult.

"Sometimes we want God to change our circumstances, but sometimes God wants to use our circumstances to change us."

my Sunday night prayer.

I pray that each week is better than the last.
I pray that I have the stamina to make it through the school day.
I pray that I will feel as best as possible...at least until I am home where I can rest.

Hoping for a good week this week....and I honestly believe that prayer is what helps me get through each and every day.

Have a great week blog followers!

My Momma

Happy Mother's Day to my sweet Momma.

The one who has been there since the moment of my birth.

The one who helped me to grow.

The one who taught me so many things.

The one who walked me into Kindergarten for what seemed like forever.

The one who has cared for me when I am sick.

The one who has encouraged me every day of my life.

The one who has inspired me.

The one who I most want to be like.

The one who sacrifices more than anyone, besides Jesus.

The one who has lived her faith out each day.

The one who has taught me about Jesus, and shown me what His Love is all about.



Mom, I am forever grateful for you and all that you do. You've inspired me to be something more than what I am. I hope that once I become a Mother, I can be at least half as wonderful as you are! You are beautiful and Jesus shines through you. Thank you...for being my best friend and for never giving up on me. I love you with all that I am, with my whole heart, forever and ever.

a mask

In English today we discussed how often times people hide their feelings, pain, and emotions with a mask. We try to cover up our sorrow and pretend everything is okay when really it's the opposite. I am guilty of this, and I am almost certain I do this every day of my life.

As I have said on this blog before, I've been struggling with some health issues. Those who know this often ask me questions like: "How are you feeling?" etc... My normal response is, "I'm okay"...when in all reality I could break down and say, "I'm feeling terrible!" I keep it in, and just try to keep going. I don't know why I wear this "mask" but I do....I guess it is to keep people from worrying.

When I feel bad, I just try to keep on keepin' on...and I try to hide it with a smile.

I know that God will get me through this, I am leaning on my Rock, and letting Him hold me....

living to the fullest.

I've had many people near me lose loved ones this week. A family at my church lost a Daddy and a Husband suddenly in a rare accident. My friend lost her Father this week, expectedly, but still just as much heartache and grief. It sort of puts things in perspective...

Am I living my life to the fullest? Am I living with purpose? Am I treating others around me with the respect they deserve? There are so many thoughts that have come to my mind about life and just how precious it is. It can be gone in the blink of an eye....am I taking it for granted?

My heart is heavy thinking about these families struggling with such losses, the heartache they are feeling.....I just cannot imagine.

Life is short. Let's live it up. Live with purpose. Laugh frequently. Smile often. Love as much as we breathe.

My prayers are with these families.

time

I hardly find time to blog anymore. When I'm home, I want to rest. When I am feeling good enough to go places, I take advantage of it. I have pushed myself to get up everyday and go to school, drag myself through the day, and so when I am home from school, my afternoons are filled with homework and rest (or naps.)

Last week was consumed with school and HOURS of endless homework. To top it off, I was feeling horrible! I can only hope that this week will be better and that I will have the stamina to keep on keepin' on.

People ask me, "Are you feeling better yet?" and the answer is No. This is an ongoing, haven't found out the problem, day to day, not getting better over night kind of thing.

Say a few prayers for me.

Learning to Embrace....

I've been to the doctor too many times to count this year, but I finally think we are on the right path. It's been a long road...symptoms that somewhat started last year, but have simply gotten worse (especially after the pnuemonia), and I am clinging to a hope that they will be controlled and treated. I love my new doctor, and the fact that she is willing to do whatever it takes.

I will soon be hooked up to a heart monitor to monitor the episodes I've been having of heart palpitations, dizziness, lightheadedness, etc. My frustration is finally going away because the doctors are doing something to help me.

Your prayers are appreciated while my parents and I still try to find answers!

If anything, throughout all this, I want to learn to embrace my difficulties. No, I haven't had any enjoyment while feeling this way...but I want to embrace the things I am not able to change (maybe one day, but for the mean time...) I'm not gonna go on and on, but here's a quote that applies to everyone and I hope it speaks to you like it has me.

"We want God to change our circumstances, but God wants to use our circumstances to change us."

Easter

"He is not here; He has Risen!" Luke 24:6

My favorite Sunday of the year is coming in just a few hours. I am so excited.


On Thursday, my parents and I attended the Maundy Thursday service at my church. It was a blessing in more ways than one. It was an amazing service filled with prayer, music, communion, and a testimony of a woman's life. The service and the day itself was a beautiful reminder that on that day, Jesus gave us the gift of his body and blood reminding us of His sacrifice. I am so excited, my heart is full and I am filled with anticipation of what tomorrow morning may bring. I believe with all my heart that God will do great things...I pray that those who haven't found Jesus may do so. And I pray for the pastors all across the world: the Pastor at my church, my aunt who is a Pastor, and all the other Pastors as they deliver the Word.

I am thankful. Thankful for the sacrifice Jesus made for our sins. He hung on that cross, experiencing pain no one can say they have, and died so that we may have life. He lived, he died, and he rose again. He IS Risen! He IS Risen, indeed. What a beautiful thing. A reminder that if we believe we will join Him in Heaven. A reminder that death is overcome. A reminder that we are free from our sins and are forgiven. Is that not the most wonderful thing? All because of Jesus...how can we not love Him?

I can't put into words my thoughts and what my heart is feeling right now...so I will leave you with a few things.


I Will Rise by Chris Tomlin (These lyrics are wonderful!)

There's a peace I've come to know
Though my heart and flesh may fail
There's an anchor for my soul
I can say, It is well

Jesus has overcome
and the grave is overwhelmed
The victory is won
He is risen from the dead

And I will rise
When He calls my name
No more sorrow, no more pain
I will rise, on eagle's wings
Before my God
fall on my knees,
and rise...
I will rise

There's a day that's drawing near
when this darkness breaks to light
and the shadows disappear
and my faith shall be my eyes

Jesus has overcome
and the grave is overwhelmed
The victory is won
He is risen from the dead

And I will rise
when He calls my name
No more sorrow, no more pain
I will rise, on eagle's wings
Before my God
fall on my knees,
and rise...
I will rise

And I hear the voice of many angels sing
Worthy is the Lamb!
And I hear the cry of every longing heart
Worthy is the Lamb!

And I hear the voice of many angels sing
Worthy is the Lamb!
And I hear the cry of every longing heart
Worthy is the Lamb!
You are worthy! You are worthy!
Worthy is the Lamb!

I will rise
when He calls my name
No more sorrow, no more pain
I will rise, on eagle's wings
Before my God
fall on my knees,
and rise...
I will rise....
I will rise....



At The Foot of The Cross - Lyrics

At the foot of the cross
Where grace and suffering meet
You have shown me your love
Through the judgment you received

And you've won my heart
And you've won my heart, now I can
Trade these ashes in for beauty
And wear forgiveness like a crown
Coming to kiss the feet of mercy
I lay every burden down at the foot of the cross

At the foot of the cross
Where I am made complete
You have given me life
Through the death you bore for me

And you've won my heart
And you've won my heart, now I can

Trade these ashes in for beauty
And wear forgiveness like a crown
Coming to kiss the feet of mercy
I lay every burden down at the foot of the cross

And wear forgiveness like a crown
Coming to kiss the feet of mercy
I lay every burden down at the foot of the cross

And you've won my heart
And you've won my heart, now I can

Trade these ashes in for beauty
And wear forgiveness like a crown
Coming to kiss the feet of mercy
I lay every burden down

I trade these ashes in for beauty
And wear forgiveness like a crown
Coming to kiss the feet of mercy
I lay every burden down

I lay every burden down, every burden
I lay every burden down
At the foot of the cross
At the foot of the cross
At the foot of the cross
At the foot of the cross

These songs speak for themselves! You can watch the videos to these songs, http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=RvrBQL8swLI http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=hk7_SBxYSZs .

One more thing, my Mom re-posted this on facebook, beautiful words!
"The greatest man in history had no servants, yet they called Him MASTER. He had no degree, yet they called Him TEACHER. He had no medicines, yet they called Him HEALER. He had no army, yet kings FEARED Him. He won no military battles, yet He CONQUERED the world. He committed no crime, yet they CRUCIFIED Him. He was buried in a tomb, yet He LIVES today. His name is JESUS!! Happy Easter!"

end of my rope

I am at the end of my rope with feeling dizzy, lightheaded, feeling my heart race, feeling short of breath, feeling as if I'm gonna pass out...feeling tired, wondering if I have the strength to make it through a seemingly simple school day. Tired of feeling weak. Mostly, I'm sick of feeling like this and not knowing what is wrong, what these symptoms could be. I'm tired of having to keep going when I feel like this. Say a little prayer for me, would you?

letting go & trusting God.

I have my moments when I feel like I have a lot to say, and plenty of wisdom to share. So, here we go... I was thinking about how sometimes as humans, we are afraid to let go. We wonder what may happen...and thoughts cross our minds, often we doubt ourselves--and sometimes even God.

I remember the fear of learning how to ride a bike (with no training wheels.) It's a scary thing to a small child, is it not? Not having those training wheels to keep your balance for you. Most children have their parents, siblings, or someone to help them, and hold on to them as they first begin to learn. They have someone to lean on, hold them up--keep them from falling, right? Well, there comes a point where you they have to let go...and you have to go....on your own.

As I was babysitting today, the baby (1 year old) is beginning to walk, he will walk and hold your hand, hold on to furniture, hold on to anything nearby to keep from falling...as I helped him walk, I noticed that he never once fell down while he held onto my hand, but he never let go of me either. I watched and decided to slowly let go of him, wondering what he would do... At first, he didn't notice, but once he saw he wasn't holding onto anyone, he fell down. It's almost as if the fear inside of him of "doing it all alone" stopped him. And as long as someone he trusted was holding him and helping him, he could do it.

Granted, riding a bike and learning how to walk are seemingly small -- isn't it the same thing as our relationships with God? We all know that God is with is all the time, always there to listen, etc... but sometimes we have to let go of certain things, and trust Him. Trust that He will provide and take good care of us. God has never failed us, and He has made a promise that He never will fail to be our Rock and our Savior. I think if our faith in God (and in ourselves) was large enough--and we trusted in Him like we should, we wouldn't be so afraid of "letting go."

I know that we can't do everything on our own, and sometimes holding on is the only thing we can do....but if we trust God instead of doubting him, then maybe, just maybe letting go may be a little easier.

Let go & Let God.

"Forget the former things; do not dwell on the past. Isaiah 43:18

"Be strong and courageous. Do not be afraid or terrified because of them, for the LORD your God goes with you; he will never leave you nor forsake you."
Deuteronomy 31:6

This may not make as much sense to you, as it does in my head...but I hope it encourages someone and gives a great reminder that we serve a great God, and all we need to do is Trust.

today ...

Today was one of those days where things just didn't go my way. I don't feel well. Walking up stairs, long distances, through school hallways...hasn't gotten easier. School days haven't gotten easier. They drag on and take so much out of me. Every single day, I wonder why...why I am feeling this way. The dizziness, headaches, shortness of breath, etc... Say a little prayer for me today...I know my God is listening and He is faithful.

thoughts.

I've been in somewhat of a funk. Being sick, and feeling tired all of the time has brought me down emotionally and obviously physically. I've been doing more than I should...but because I need it. Last weekend, I went to IHOP and to the movies with my friends. Last night, I had a sleepover with a friend and went to lunch and a movie. I am now exhausted from doing a little bit too much all at once, but....I needed it. I needed time with friends. Time to laugh. Time to have fun.


Tonight I went to my grandparents' house to celebrate their 63rd Anniversary...they are a wonderful example to me of what love is all about. Love that lasts forever...in sickness and in health...love that is a "no matter what" thing. Sixty three years is a huge accomplishment...and what a blessing they are to me.


Family and friends are indeed thr best therapy....other than prayer, of course.


Tomorrow we celebrate my brother's 18th birthday. Happy Birthday Matt!


Goodnight :)

Through the Fire.

I can't think of another song that I can relate to as much as I can relate to this one:

Through the Fire:

So many times i've questioned certain circumstances
Or things I could not understand
Many times in trials, weakness blurs my vision
And my frustration gets so out of hand
Its then I am reminded I've never been forsaken
I've never had to stand the test alone
As I look at all the victories
The spirit rises up in me
And its through the fire my weakness is made strong


He never promised that the cross would not get heavy
And the hill would not be hard to climb
He never offered our victories without fighting
But He said help would always come in time
Just remember when your standing in the valley of decision
And the adversary says give in
Just hold on, our Lord will show up
And He will take you through the fire again


I know within myself that I would surely perish
But if I trust the hand of God, He'll shield the flames again, again


Life hasn't been easy the past 2 months. I've gotten up everyday, gone to school, continued through my schedule when all I want to do is lay down. A day at school to me feels like an eternity. It hasn't been fun, but I will get through it. Just walking up the stairs takes so much energy out of me, makes me feel so dizzy. One day, I will be able to look back on this...God will get me through this fire. But for right now, I am clinging to the hope that this fire will soon be put out. This may not seem like much to you, but my health this year has had an impact on my life. Don't take your good health for granted....because some people have a difficult time "bouncing back" from illnesses that seem so easy to get over.

God bless.

God's love.

Isn't it crazy just how much God loves us? I'm not going to lie, this week alone has been rough...tests, xrays, doctors, dr offices, emergency rooms, hospitals....i could go on and on. Through it all, God was there and IS here. As a song my church's choir did Sunday says, "My God will show up and take me through the fire again......" How true is that???? These words have stuck with me. I'm hopeful for medical answers to explain why I feel like I do...and I am 100% sure that God will take me through the fire.

sigh.........

Ever just felt like giving up? Ever felt so weak, that you didn't know how you were able to get out of bed in the morning?

This is where I'm at right now.
I've been to doctor after doctor...after doctor. And I'm still not well.
This tightness in my chest and shortness of breath just won't go away. I can't take it anymore. I just need someone's help. I've been told that there is nothing they can do. I've been told to simply "give it time." And let me just say, "giving it time" and "hanging in there" is taking a toll on me and my body: physically, emotionally, and mentally.

I'm expected to get up everyday and go to school, wear myself out, and just keep going...when all I feel like doing is laying down.

I'm weak. My energy is gone.

I know my body well enough to know, that I am not okay. Something is up.

Pray please.

weakness

Life gets a little busy sometimes. Actually, lately I have felt like I couldn't catch a breath. Literally. I went to the doctor yesterday because I still have so much tightness in my chest. I was given a steroid to try to relieve it. Not sure how much it is helping. He said the symptoms are likely to be related to weather, and the cold air, which are almost asthmatic symptoms. I'm hoping this steroid does a little something. I'm ready to be well. I have found myself thinking, "What if I gave up? Stopped trying? How am I able to keep going everyday???" Then I realized...I have been able to keep going because of God's unfailing love for me. It hasn't been easy. Because although I'm sick and my body is telling me to slow down, the world doesn't slow down. So I have to keep going. Everyday, when I get home from school I normally go straight upstairs to my bed.....to sleep. Most days I sleep 2 hours in the afternoon. The very fact that I am that physically exhausted and weak scares me terribly. I'm that person who is always busy, on the go, never just at home doing nothing. But lately, it isn't the case. One day, I will be well and back to my normal self. But for now, I'm gonna slow down and ask you: will you pray for me today? I want so badly to do whatever I want, without feeling weak....or feeling like I have hardly any strength.

Thank you blog readers!

joy

Just one thing after another.
First, Bronchitis & Strep.
Second, Pneumonia.
Third, Pleurisy.
and now...? Shingles!!

It seems to never end. I am exhausted...I feel like I can't get better from one thing before another problem arises.

But I am grateful anyway...

I am grateful for the very fact that I have the stamina to get myself out of bed in the morning, go to school, then do hours of homework, then do it ALL over again (with these illnesses)... that is God Himself in action!

I am grateful that these illnesses aren't any worse---I've had it tough, but there are many who have it a lot tougher...there are so many who are struggling with long-term illnesses...there are so many people who are struggling with diseases, and there are too many who are fighting for their lives. My heart goes out to these people.....

I am grateful for a new semester, a new chance for new grades, new teachers, and new friends. It's tough...it's rigorous....but it's better than last semester. Nobody said life would be easy, just worth it! :)

I am grateful for my family and their constant support. Incredible parents who love me, provide for me, take care of me, and are my support system. They are amazing!

I am grateful for those who I am really really really missing....my aunt, Tewi. It's been over a month since I've seen her---and I'm not liking it at all. Thank God for texting, facebook, twitter, email, etc. And my grandparents as well, I haven't been able to see them in about a week and a half....and for someone who saw them everyday for months after their accident - that's a big deal. Hopefully this weekend!

I'm grateful that tomorrow's Friday, because I don't think I can go on any longer.

I'm grateful for naps...because that's what I am about to do.

I'm grateful for God's constant, consistant, never changing, totally powerful LOVE. Because that is the best kind of love that there is in this world. Without Him, I wouldn't be anywhere. My God is Mighty to Save...and He saved my life. So grateful.

I'm grateful for joy. 2010 hasn't been the most amazing thing ever, but I know it has been joyful. And I know I've quoted this a million times...but one more time won't hurt:
"My joy is not determined by what happens to me, but what Christ is doing in me and through me." -Pastor Steven Furtick, Elevation Church


Well. This is it. I'm grateful and refuse to not have joy. Have a happy Friday. :)

where I'm at right now...

"But they that wait upon the LORD shall renew their strength; they shall mount up with wings as eagles; they shall run, and not be weary; and they shall walk, and not faint." Isaiah 40:31

There are relationships in my life currently that don't seem like they are going anywhere. At one point, they have been better...but recently, they have felt like they are going downhill. I feel like I am the only one trying...I feel like it's a one way street when really it should be a two way street. I am running out of energy, I'm tired of putting my energy into something that isn't going anywhere. Some people would rather be mad than work something out...and I'm on the recieving end of that...and I'm going to tell you right now, it hurts.

"Wait on the Lord, be of good courage, and he shall strengthen thine heart. Wait, I say on the Lord." Psalms 27:14


I'm going to let God take over, and let God do His thing. He has a plan for my life, and for the relationships within my life. I have prayed and prayed...and I'm telling you know, I won't stop. With God, all things are possible...and I'm trusting in Him. I'm praying that He will give me the patience I need to let Him take over... I believe He can change things...and He has the power to do great things.

"The Lord is my strength and my shield;
My heart trusted in Him, and I am helped;
Therefore my heart greatly rejoices,
And with my song I will praise Him." Psalm 28:7


So...this is where I'm at...and this blog is a place for me to spill my emotions and just let go, so that's what I'm going to do. Let go. And let God take over.

"Trust in the Lord with all your heart, and lean not on your own understanding; in all your ways acknowledge Him, and He shall direct your paths." Proverbs 3:5-6

"Blessed are all those who put their trust in Him." Psalm 2:12

Isaiah 40:31

I am really trying to get better, and with the doctor's help (after 2 trips to the Urgent Care) and many medications I was hoping to be feeling better... however, I am not feeling as good as I had hoped.

I believe in a Healer who can heal better than ANY doctor and I am putting all my faith in Him.

"But they that wait upon the LORD shall renew their strength; they shall mount up with wings as eagles; they shall run, and not be weary; and they shall walk, and not faint." Isaiah 40:31

too much!

I am lying in bed as I type. I found out today that I have pneumonia. I am not feeling well at all...
Just this year I have had: bronchitis, strep throat, and now pneumonia! I sure hope this is not a sign of how 2010 is going to go!
I'm trusting in Jesus to help me with this and your prayers are very much appreciated as I get well and try to finish taking exams this week!

thoughts.

I have been trying to blog for days. Words don't always come easy when I have a lot on my mind...there are so many thoughts running through my head - I don't know where to begin or end. So, here goes...

God is Good.

"If there wasn't any hurt in the world, how would we know how good God is?"
I don't know about you, but I feel closer to God when I am struggling, and needing to trust in Him even more than I do already. Some things in life are God's way of bringing us closer to Him.


Focusing on Being More Christ-like

Things in this world may not be right, we may not approve of certain people, we may not like it but have we ever asked ourselves this question: What Would Jesus Do?
Jesus may not be impressed with our behavior or the behavior of others....but Jesus sees past our faults and loves us anyway....and since WE can't change it... what can we do to be more like Him, more Christ-like?
The first thing any christian can do is PRAY. And perhaps we can be loving and accepting anyway. Isn't that what Jesus would do? I think so.

God's Timing is Perfect

I took a journalism class this semester, I often times looked at it as a mistake, but now I realize that I needed to take that class. You see, my number one career choice is to become a teacher, but I have such a love of writing that I felt like journalism could have been a path for me to take. I ended up not liking the class itself, let alone all the work and time it required. But I now know that journalism isn't for me--not my style of writing whatsoever. There is a reason for everything. I needed to take that class to know that God's got something better for me. I've ruled out that option, and I am even more aware that God knows where I'm going. His timing is incredible.



Whew. Ok. I'm done now. More later.

God's Been Good To Me

2009. As I sit and look back on pictures and search to find the words to reflect on the year (a week late, I realize) I find myself coming to the conclusion that this year wasn't all that bad after all. I'm all about new beginnings, but I am also so grateful for the many blessings God gave to me and my family during 2009. He showed up and showed out many a time throughout the year. Through every smile and every tear, God has been faithful to me. Through every laugh and every moment of sadness, my God has been there. God is good, and I don't think that is something we say often enough. God was there every single second of all 365 days of 2009, and for that I am grateful. I am blessed beyond belief. My family and my friends are amazing. My church is incredible. My life is wonderful. My God is real.

Things I am grateful for in 2009.
1. God's love for me. Even when my attitude or perspective was all out of wack, even when I didn't trust in Him like I should have. He has never failed to show His unfailing love for me.
2. Family. Although we may not always see eye to eye, they have been there through it all. Family tragedies and the losing of loved ones actually brought us closer together. We have learned to love more deeply and laugh more frequently.
3. Friends. Couldn't live without them. Sleepovers, parties, lunches, dinners, and just being together complete our friendships. So thankful for their love and support.
4. Church. Every Sunday morning worship. Praising God. It's a wonderful place to be.

I have lots to be thankful for, and I know for a fact that I never would have made it without God. Without His love, grace, mercy, strength, and forgiveness, where would we be??

These songs are incredible and truly describe 2009 for me.
Never Would Have Made It By Marvin Sapp

"...Never would have made it, never could have made it, without you
I would have lost it all, but now I see how you were there for me

And I can say
Never would have made it,
Never could have made it,
Without you

I would have lost it all,
But I now how I see how you were there for me and I can say
I'm stronger, I'm wiser, I'm better,
much better,

When I look back over all you brought me thru.
I can see that you were the one that I held on to..."


He's Been Faithful
By Brooklyn Tabernacle Choir

"Through Every Pain Every Tear
There's A God Who's Been Faithful To Me

When My Strength Was All Gone
When My Heart Had No Song
Still In Love He's Proved Faithful To Me

Every Word He's Promised Is True
What I Thought Was Impossible
I've Seen My God Do

He's Been Faithful
Faithful To Me
Looking Back He's Love And Mercy I See
Though In My Heart I Have Questioned
And Failed To Believe
He's Been Faithful, Faithful To Me

When My Heart Looked Away
The Many Times I Could Not Pray
Still My God Was Faithful To Me"



2010. It's here and I am excited about new beginnings and new starts. Emotionally. Physically. And especially Spiritually.

New Years Resolutions and Goals:
I want this year to be different than all the others. I want to have a deeper relationship with God. Yes, I realize I already have a relationship with Him, but I want to reach and find new depths of His love. I want Him to speak to me, I want Him to use me. It's gonna be a great year.
I know it. I feel it. God has a lot in store for us all.

1. Joy. No matter what happens, in spite of all that is going on in my life, I want to find JOY in Jesus. I don't want happiness, I want joy. Because I know things might not go my way, but I want my response to all things to be filled with joy. "Joy is not determined by what happens to me, but what God is doing IN me and through me." -Pastor Steven Furtick

2. Forgiveness. In the year of 2009, I have had disagreements with others, people very close to me. Hurtful things have been said to me, and I have responded in ways I shouldn't have. But you see, I can't change what has happened, but I CAN change what will happen in the future. I know God has forgiven me for all that has been done, but I feel like I haven't completely forgiven others like I should.

My list of goals for the new year could go on and on.... but these are my top goals and resolutions.

It's gonna be a great year. I know this because on Sunday during church, I felt like God spoke to me. I got chills more than once during the service. I feel like it was God's way of saying, "I'm here. Trust me." Sometimes as christians, I think we keep our distance, or at least I have in the past. I think that God tries to speak to me every Sunday, but I also think that I don't always let Him. On Sunday, I let him speak to me. And it felt great. Jerry's sermon was about "Running the Race of Your Life" and keeping your eyes on Jesus. It was exactly what I needed to hear when I needed to hear it. At the end of the service there was a time to pray, and I have never seen so many people go up to the altar. I watched in amazement as I prayed.

1Therefore, since we are surrounded by such a great cloud of witnesses, let us throw off everything that hinders and the sin that so easily entangles, and let us run with perseverance the race marked out for us. 2Let us fix our eyes on Jesus, the author and perfecter of our faith, who for the joy set before him endured the cross, scorning its shame, and sat down at the right hand of the throne of God. 3Consider him who endured such opposition from sinful men, so that you will not grow weary and lose heart.
4In your struggle against sin, you have not yet resisted to the point of shedding your blood. 5And you have forgotten that word of encouragement that addresses you as sons:
"My son, do not make light of the Lord's discipline,
and do not lose heart when he rebukes you, 6because the Lord disciplines those he loves,
and he punishes everyone he accepts as a son."

7Endure hardship as discipline; God is treating you as sons. For what son is not disciplined by his father?

Hebrews 12:1-7

I'm ready to run the race of my life. I'm excited. Let's keep our eyes on Jesus. Ready, set, go.