Six Years.

Six years ago, I was baptized. August 14, 2005, was a day that I'll never forget. It was also a day that I told myself I would never be the same. I was right, I haven't been the same person. My life has been changed by Jesus. I pray that it's obvious to those around me.

The evening before I was baptized, I remember praying that my baptism would not just be part of a church service, not just something I did because others did it, or because it was something you were "supposed to do" in a baptist church, but that it would change the person that I was. I wanted to become serious in following Jesus. I wanted my passion about my Savior to be so obvious.

I cannot remember a time when I have not loved Jesus. Growing up in church, I learned about Jesus and fell in love with Him at a young age. I believe that my faith can be summed up in this one statement: I fall more and more in love with Jesus every single day.

I've learned so much in six years. And I am still learning, and still growing. I've learned that God loves me just the way I am, but loves me so much He refuses to leave me that way. I've learned that just because I am following Christ doesn't mean life is going to be easy, it simply means that it'll be worth it. I've learned that God has saved me from so much more than just hell. I've learned that there is a calling on my life...I don't really know what it is, but I know that one day I will. I've learned that God has a plan for my life....and that my plans don't always match up with God's plans, and 100% of the time His plans are greater than the plans I had for myself. I've learned that without Him, I can do nothing. I've learned that if God isn't in it, it's not going to work. I've learned that I need Jesus more than anything else. I've learned that because He lives, I can face tomorrow. I've learned that when I am weak, He is my strength. When I am down, He will lift me up. When I have no where else to go....I can surely run to Jesus. And for this, I am grateful.

I am grateful for six years of following Jesus. Six years of learning who HE is....who I am....who I hope to be. Six years of learning about Christ, growing in Christ, and running to Him. Six years of falling head-over-heels in love with the One who gave His life so that we might have life, and have it more abundantly.

It's hard for me to believe that six years ago I was baptized "in the name of the Father and of the Son and of the Holy Spirit," and "raised to walk in newness of life." My prayer is that God would continue to change me. And that my love for Jesus will shine through me, so that others may want to know Him. I pray Jesus is evident in my words and actions. I am asking that He would, "Change my heart, oh God.......Make it ever true.....Change my heart, oh God.......May I be like You." For He is the Potter, and I am the clay..... Mold me and make me, Jesus, this is what I pray.....

The Game Isn't Over.

Earlier this evening, I was playing the game "Fruit Ninja," which consists of using your finger to cut fruit in half, trying to avoid bombs (which results in the game ending if you hit one), and trying not to miss any fruit. It's a three strikes and you are out kind of game, where the goal is to slice as many pieces of fruit in half as possible. It's addicting, but tonight...I was getting so frustrated because I kept hitting the bombs and in turn, losing the game. I saw the words "Game Over" more times than not. Silly, I know...but, I began thinking about it....and realized that my life is a lot like "Fruit Ninja."

Here's what I mean: How often do I get so caught up in "slicing the fruit," and going through the motions of every day life, that I don't stop long enough to look around....and instead hit the "bombs" and mess up? How often do I get stuck in the situation or circumstance I may find myself in and build a wall simply because sometimes feeling something hurts? How often do I feel so defeated that it's like the enemy is saying "Game Over" and I actually begin to fall for it....and I begin to give up, when in reality, I KNOW I shouldn't?

Maybe I'm the only one. Or...perhaps you understand exactly where I'm coming from.

Maybe you feel like Satan is flashing the "Game Over" sign. Maybe you just want to give up. Maybe you feel so defeated that you just don't know what to do. Perhaps you feel like there is absolutely NO way God can make something good out of the situation in which you find yourself. Maybe you feel like you have no purpose, and no potential....and perhaps you feel like God's finished with you. Perhaps you are struggling with what God's plans are for your life. Maybe you have something or someone in your life that has taken the place of God, and God simply isn't your priority. Maybe you feel so far from God, you just don't think you will ever be able to start new again. Perhaps you are feeling so many emotions because of something that has happened in your life, that you are so overwhelmed, you don't even know where to turn. Or maybe...you are simply hurting....

Whatever it is.....here's what I feel like God wants me to say to you, and to me....because I am in need of this too:

*This game of life for you isn't OVER....it's just begun....and Jesus is ready for you. He's ready for YOU and ALL of your problems, feelings, emotions, baggage, and anything else you are willing to give him. Jesus is ready for you. He's ready to carry your burdens for you. "Cast all your anxiety on him because HE CARES FOR YOU." 1 Peter 5:7

*Don't you dare give up. God hasn't given up on you and He has a race marked out for you. Hebrews 12:1-2 says: "...let us run with perseverance the race marked out for us, fixing our eyes on Jesus, the author and perfecter of our faith..."

*We may feel defeated, but with God as our strength, WHO can defeat us? Romans 9:31 says: "If God is for us, who can be against us?"

*We could possibly feel like there is nothing good to come of what has happened, and there is no way God can make something good out of our situation or circumstance. However, God's word says otherwise. "And we know that in ALL things (not some things, not her things, not his things, but ALL things....) God works for the good of those who love him, who have been called according to his purpose." Romans 8:28.

*God ISN'T finished with you yet! God is ready to USE you for His Glory. You have so much God-given purpose and potential within you and God is so ready to let it out of you. He's NOT finished with you!! Philippians 1:6 says: "He who began a good work in you will carry it on to completion..."

*God has a plan for you! God's plans are SO much better than the plans that we have for ourselves....He doesn't give us lesser things. God's plan is in place even when your plan for yourself isn't. "For I KNOW the plans I have for you" declares the Lord "plans to prosper you and not to harm you, plans to give you hope and a future." Jeremiah 29:11

*God is closer than you think. If you seek Him, you will find Him. Acts 17:27 says: "God did this so that men would seek him and perhaps reach out for him and find him, though he is not far from each one of us."

*God's love for us will not change. "Though the mountains be shaken and the hills be removed, yet my unfailing love for you will not be shaken nor my covenant of peace be removed, says the Lord who has compassion on you." Isaiah 54:10

*Lastly, TURN TO JESUS. Run to Him. Go. Just as you are. He's ready for you. He's waiting. If you have no where else to turn....turn to Jesus. Jesus will not let you down.

God is NOT finished with you yet! The game is NOT over. My hope and my prayer is that this would speak to someone. I feel like I wasn't even the writer of this blog....God was. And I know I needed this reminder from God's word. Let it be a reminder to you that God isn't finished.....and the game sure isn't over.

death, grief, and hope.

Death. A subject that is rarely talked or written about, yet it's also a subject that cuts the deepest. In my personal opinion, losing a loved one is the most difficult and excruciating thing any person will ever deal with. Death changes lives and changes people. My grandmother's death in April changed my life, and the lives of those in my family. I vividly remember the day we found out that my Mawmaw had a mere 48 hours left to live. It was a moment we all saw coming as she had been struggling with a horrible long term illness. I sat in a chair in her room in the Intensive Care Unit, and the doctor came in and called my mother and grandpa out of the room. I knew at that moment that the news they would hear wouldn't be good.

I watched my grandmother as she was hooked up to countless machines...and for the first time in a while, she looked comfortable. We had spoken to her the evening before, but the medication she was on had her heavily sedated. Before they came back in, I watched my sweet Mawmaw as she took each breath...I held her hand and gently touched her hair...something that she had spent years doing the same to me. I'll never forget the feeling when they came back into that tiny hospital room and said the words, "48 hours to live." We had all seen it coming, but I had never wanted to face it. I dreaded the day that I would lose my sweet Mawmaw. Tears flowed. I'll never forget looking at her and realizing that within 48 hours, she would no longer be with us.

Later on that day, my entire family filled the room and the doctor took off the machine that was acting as her ventilator. We were told that it could be any amount of time: from an hour to many hours. It just depended on the person. We were all one big mess as we told stories, shared memories, laughed, and especially cried. I vividly remember bursting out into sobs at one point. Terri came over to me and hugged me as I cried. Once I calmed down enough, I asked her to pray. I am not sure I've ever heard a more powerful prayer in all of my life. It was a moment that I went from complete sobs to a strong sense of peace. In that moment, I knew that together, with God's help, my family would make it through this difficult time.

It wasn't until the following day, on April 4th, that my Mawmaw took her last breath on earth. She made her departure and entered into the Joy of her Maker. It was a moment that is forever engraved into the minds and hearts of all who were in the room. The depth of the pain my family was feeling was by far the deepest we've felt. It was excruciating, but in the midst of it, we also had (and still do) a tremendous sense of peace in knowing that she was Home and was with Jesus, where she had been longing to be.

I have never been more grateful for the HOPE that we have in Jesus. My family is still grieving, but not as those without hope. I've learned that you never get over grief and the loss of a loved one, you just get through it. It's a journey, and one that I don't think ever ends. The pain of losing someone is the worst thing in the world, but I am more than grateful that this earth is not our Home. Death isn't a subject that is really discussed. It isn't something that is fun to think about, hear about, read about, or talk about. But, it's necessary. And so is grief. Death is something that comes into our lives, and causes much pain and sorrow. Death is something that changes lives, and changes people. It's changing me. But, the good news is: there is hope in Jesus, and Jesus is our hope when we feel like we have everything...and when we feel like we've lost everything. And absolutely NOTHING can separate us from the love, hope, and eternal life we find in Jesus...not even death. Praise God.

"For I am convinced that neither death nor life, neither angels nor demons, neither the present nor the future, nor any powers, neither height nor depth, nor anything else in all creation, will be able to separate us from the love of God that is in Christ Jesus our Lord." Romans 8:38-39

all tangled up...

I am constantly amazed at how God uses the smallest of details to prove something to me. Yesterday, as I was getting my outfits and jewelry ready for my senior pictures, I found my all-time favorite necklace that I wanted to wear in the pictures. The only problem was that this particular necklace was all tangled up. It had several knots and was a complete disaster. I was absolutely determined that this tangled up necklace would be untangled immediately! I began to untangle this piece of jewelry that was all tangled up. It required patience....and this "not-always-patient" girl was ready for it to be fixed and untangled!

As I was untangling this monster, I felt like God spoke to me SO clearly, "Megan, YOU are this tangled necklace. That is you. I've had to untangle you so many times, and it's required patience. You are still a work in progress, with a knot in your chain here and there."

It was unbelievable and undeniably true! I AM that necklace...and my life has been so tangled up in the past, and still is in some aspects. My chain still has knots in it...it's no where near perfect. I may seem like I have it "all together," but I assure you, I don't. I am a big 'ol mess....and a gigantic work in progress!

This is what completely blows my mind:
*God can take your tangled up life, and untangle it.
*God can take all of your knots, and unravel them.
*God can take all the pieces of your life and make something good out of them.
*God can take your "mess" and turn it into a masterpiece.

Here's what I know for sure: I am a tangled up MESS that God is slowly but surely untangling little by little. Every now and then, I take one step forward and two steps back, but God has been SO patient with me. I am hopeful that one day God will use my tangled-up-life for His glory!

A letter to Heaven

Dear Mawmaw,

Tomorrow marks 3 months since you made your departure into Heaven. Not a day goes by that I don't think about you or miss you tremendously. You were my "best buddy," my biggest fan, and my biggest source of encouragement. I am who I am because of the woman that you were. Thank you for living your life so that Jesus shined through you. So many others know Jesus because Jesus lived in YOU.

I often think of the moments we have shared together, and I'm so grateful that the majority of my childhood memories have you in them. There was never a time you weren't there for me. I loved swinging in the swing in your driveway with you....and singing "How Much is that Doggie in the Window?" I loved swimming in the kiddie pool in your backyard....or running in the sprinklers in your front yard. I loved coming to your house for lunch and eating the yummiest french fries (and hamburgers) with you (while watching The Price is Right! :) I loved it when we played card games....like Go Fish together. I loved sleeping over at your house, and waking up to a hot breakfast on the table, which normally included my favorite breakfast food: bacon. I loved it when I got to go to church with you on Sunday mornings....and I loved reaching for your hand, and holding it while the preacher delivered his message or while we sang hymns. I loved it when you said "That's my buddy!" And I'll never forget singing, "Jesus Loves Me" two nights before you went to be with Jesus. These are just a few moments we shared together....and I am holding onto these memories with everything I've got! You are forever a part of me.

I miss you. I miss your contagious laugh. I miss hearing your voice. I miss holding your hand. I miss the way you could light up any room that you entered with your presence. I miss your smile. I miss the way you used to clap your hands. I miss getting to see you every single day. I miss you, more than words can adequately express.

Thank you for caring about me, spoiling me, praying for me, and most importantly, loving me. I so badly wish you were still with us, but I'm grateful that you have entered into the Joy of your Maker. And I know that you are with me, just in a much different way. I thank God for the opportunity of having a grandmother like YOU. I thank God that you are now watching over us all. I thank God that we shared such an incredible relationship. I thank God for the time I had with you. And I thank God that we can hold onto the HOPE that we WILL see you again. Until then, I live to make you proud.

I love you,
Megan

Officially a Senior

My junior year is over and I am officially a senior. I can honestly say that this was the most difficult year of school for me yet. As I was overwhelmed with difficult classes and stressful days, my family also suffered the greatest loss we've ever known: my Grandmother, the one that held us all together. Days this year were spiritually and emotionally exhausting. It would be so wrong for me to say that my junior year was awful, horrible, or anything of that nature. It wasn't always pretty or perfect. And it sure wasn't always rainbows and butterflies. But it was real, and it was worth it. And I can say without a doubt, my junior year made me stronger.

My classes were tough, each involving a lot of time and constant effort. Maybe I can't tell you exactly how to say a sentence in Spanish, maybe I can't solve a math equation perfectly, and maybe I can't tell you exactly what I learned in my US History or Physical Science class....here's what I can tell you: I'm stronger because I pushed through when all I wanted to do was give up. I kept going. I may have failed a test every now and then, but I don't considerate it failing because I tried.

This year was difficult, and at times I felt down and discouraged. Other times I was thrilled and excited. It's been a roller coaster ride. A ride that I'm happy and sad to see end all at the same time. I'm more than grateful for all the opportunities God afforded me my junior year.....from falling in love with 24 2nd graders to making memories with friends I'll never forget. I'm grateful. Grateful for a school I'll be sad to leave this time next year....and grateful for all that God has in store for my future.

Let it Shine.

"This little light of mine, I'm gonna let it shine. This little light of mine, I'm gonna let it shine. This little light of mine, I'm gonna let it shine. Let it shine, let it shine, let it shine. Don't let Satan blow it out, I'm gonna let it shine. Don't let Satan blow it out, I'm gonna let it shine. Don't let Satan blow it out, I'm gonna let it shine. Let it shine, let it shine, let it shine."

On Friday, in my English class, we were in reading groups. My group happened to be completely off topic. One guy in the group, who I've known for years, was telling the group how badly he wanted to kill several people. He was not joking, he was as serious as a heart attack. He was talking about how much he hated "so-and-so" and he went on and on. Words of hatred came out of his mouth faster than I could blink. Having known this guy since elementary school, I know that he plans to be a youth minister one day. The words coming out of his mouth and his career choice simply did not match up. I'm not saying ministers are perfect, no one is perfect. But, if you could have heard the words he was saying, you wouldn't want your teenager under his leadership.

After several minutes of listening to him rant and rave, I simply could not stand it any longer. So, without holding anything back, I said, "You need some help. Actually, you need Jesus." He replied quickly, "I have Jesus." After he said that, my English teacher came over to our group to try to get us back on topic, so I didn't have the chance to say what I wanted to say. I so badly wanted to say, "If you have Jesus, then ACT like it."

Sometimes, Christians (myself included) get so caught up in life that we forget that living for Jesus is more than just claiming to follow Christ, it's living in a way that shows the world that you've been forgiven, redeemed, and changed from the inside out. We need to act like we "have Jesus." We need to show others so that they may see there is something different about us.

In Matthew 5:14, Jesus calls us to be the light of the world. We need to live in such a way that our light shines brightly. We need to shine our light, proving to others that Jesus is our everything. We need to love in a way that others may see Jesus in our words and actions. As my classmate spoke words of hatred, I saw absolutely no Jesus in him. We are supposed to speak words of hope, love, and encouragement. Not hate and discouragement. It made me incredibly sad...sad for him and the road in which he is traveling. I know that I'm far from perfect, but I so badly want to be used by God in a mighty way...and I strive to speak and act so that others see Jesus inside of me. And I pray that Jesus inside of me is more than obvious.

My prayer is that we will all shine so brightly that "a city on a hill cannot be hidden." And that we "let our light shine before others, that they may see good deeds and praise your Father in heaven."

One month.

"...and He shall wipe away every tear from their eyes; and death shall be no more; neither shall their be mourning, nor crying, nor pain, any more: the first things are passed away." Revelation 21:4, NIV.

Yesterday marked one month since my Mawmaw and best "buddy" went to be with Jesus. I don't think it has gotten any easier without her. It's been a month since I've held her hand and heard her sweet voice. Sometimes it doesn't even seem real, other times it seems so real it hurts. Nothing can prepare you for the loss of someone who has been such an instrumental part of your life. Although, sadness and grief can overwhelm us, I have never been more grateful for the Hope we have in Jesus. "Jesus has overcome and the grave is overwhelmed, the victory is won, He is Risen from the dead...."

I have learned several things about grief. Grief can hit you like a ton of bricks. And grief is necessary. Tears are inevitable, and when they fall, they are healing. The other day, I was cleaning and going through some things....I came across a stack of Christmas, Birthday, and Get Well Soon cards that people have given me over the last few years. I found several cards that my Mawmaw had given me, and immediately fell apart. Sitting in the middle of the floor in my room, I bawled as I realized that I wouldn't receive another card from my Mawmaw. I realized that life as my entire family knew it, had changed. All holidays would forever be different. But as hard as it is and will be, I know that she is with us. She is in Heaven watching over us....and I've never been more determined in my life to make someone proud.

Not a day goes by that she doesn't cross my mind....and although I miss her terribly, I'm rejoicing that she's received her Prize. Our loss is Heaven's gain. She is now with the One she's been longing to see! And when my time comes, "I will Rise when He calls my name, no more sorrow, no more pain, I will Rise on eagles' wings, before my God, fall on my knees, and rise.....I will Rise...." I'll be ready and I'll be with my "best buddy" again.

I read this quote the other day and found it so helpful. "You can shed tears that she is gone, or you can smile that she has lived. You can close your eyes and pray she'll come back, or you can open your eyes and see all she's left. Your heart can be empty because you can't see her, or can be full of the love you shared. You can turn your back on tomorrow and live yesterday, or you can be happy for tomorrow because of yesterday. You can remember her only that she is gone, or you can cherish her memory and let it live on. You can cry and close your mind, be empty and turn your back. Or you can do what she'd want: smile, open your eyes, love and go on." -David Harkins.

Although our sadness is inevitable, I am going to smile because she has lived, and cherish her memory, letting it live on. And in all I do, I promise to make her proud. I am who I am because of the woman that she was. I am a better person for having known her and having been loved by her. Thank you God, for all the time I had with this beautiful woman of God. I am forever changed by her love.

Heaven is a sweeter place...

On Monday, April 4th, my Mawmaw, "best buddy", inspiration, friend, and hero went to be with Jesus. I will never forget the moments before and after her passing. I have never been as heartbroken or devastated....yet, at the same time grateful that although we are grieving her loss, she has received her Prize. Our loss, is indeed, Heaven's gain. And God has the final word, not death. The grave is overcome....victory has won.

Nothing can prepare you for the loss of someone you love so much. It's so hard to even imagine life without someone who you've been close to since day one. And then, even when you think you're ready, they're gone... The minute my Mawmaw left this world, the ICU room was filled with uncontrollable sobs by the entire family. I'll never forget looking at my grandmother and realizing she was no longer with us. I'll never forget how it felt.....the heartbreak that she's gone and the rejoicing that she's "standing tall and whole." I'll never forget the look on my grandpa's face after losing the love of his life. I'll never forget hugging my family after it happened. I'll never forget the many prayers that my aunt said out loud as we all cried surrounding my Mawmaw in her hospital bed. And I'll never forget when my grandpa looked at me and said, "You missed school today, but you missed more than that....you missed your grandmother."

I miss her so much it hurts. I am grateful that she finally has met the One she has been longing to meet....Jesus. She was the most beautiful woman of God....and lived out her faith for us all to see. Her love for her family was deep....but her love for Jesus surpassed it. She never failed to encourage, inspire, spoil, feed, love, care, and bless anyone she met. My family knows Jesus because of her.....and she is now standing at the feet of her Savior....

I am who I am because of the woman that she was.

Rest in Peace, my sweet buddy. I miss you. I love you. I promise to make you proud.

Let Go. Let God.

Letting go is probably one of the most difficult things for me. I seem to cling to the things I feel I have control over...but, I'm learning that nothing is really in my control. Instead, it's in God's control. I am grateful for that, but it's not always easy.

I was listening to a song the other day...when I heard the line (that I've heard a million times but never really thought about), "I'm giving my life to the only One who gave me hope when I had none," I froze. I gave my life to Christ when I was 10 years old, and it was the greatest day of my life. But, when I heard that line it made me cringe because sometimes I don't "let go" like I should...I try to keep control of my life, when in reality, that control belongs to God. Sometimes, I forget that when I gave my life to Christ, I surrendered to Him...I gave up the control that I thought I had. Something tells me I'm not alone in this. And something told me to write about this tonight.

Maybe you are dealing with what seems to be a hopeless situation in your life...

Maybe you are struggling with a health problem that has become your new reality...

Maybe you are having a difficult time knowing what God has called you to do with your life...

Maybe you are afraid of a change that will be difficult for you and those you are close to...

Maybe you are weeping because someone you know is hurting...

Maybe you are frustrated because it seems no matter how hard you try, nothing changes...

Maybe you are hurt because someone you love said some very hurtful things to you...

Maybe you are stuck and it feels like you are just going through the motions of your life...

Maybe you are Homesick and longing to be in the arms of Jesus...

I don't know what it is you are dealing with. I know what I am dealing with...and my prayer is that we might let go...and let God handle whatever it is we are facing. May we realize that God is in complete and total control...and no matter how hard it seems now, it'll all be worth it in the end.

So, I'm giving my life to the only One who has all the control even in the midst of difficult things. And I'm letting go. And letting God.

Light in the darkness

I was coming home from babysitting the other night, it was dark and my mind was going in one hundred directions. I began thinking about how important headlights are on a vehicle. Without headlights, can you imagine what we would run over or hit....let alone how we would see the road in the dark. Yet, when it is light outside, lights are not important. Lights are simply there for when we need them. And, you cannot really see the lights when it is light outside.

Then I started to think about Jesus...and how Jesus is our LIGHT in LIFE. Can you imagine how we would handle things without the Light that is in our lives? It's hard to fathom. Although, sometimes it is easiest for us to SEE the Light in our lives during the darkest times in our lives. I find that during my most difficult days, I sense God's presence more because I am depending on Him, rather than just depending upon myself to make it through some things.

It is important that we understand that Jesus is our Light...and HE lights every road we may take in life. And He knows exactly where we are going, even when we do not.

I am so grateful for the LIGHT in my life. May we understand that Jesus is ALWAYS there...and we will always need Him...whether we are in the darkness or not. And although lights on our vehicles in the daylight are not important, it is important that we know that Jesus should always be the Light in our lives....even when things are dark, dim, and bright.

May we live in such a way that HIS Light shines THROUGH us so that others may know that Jesus is the source of our LIGHT in the darkest times of our lives.

I know that I needed this reminder...and I am grateful that God revealed it to me through something as simple as a car that I drive every single day.

No Matter What.

Last Sunday, I was feeling terrible, so I stayed home from church and stayed in bed. I turned on my TV in time to hear some preaching. You know, Joel Osteen, etc. Pastor Furtick at Elevation was on TV, and I was completely thrilled. I listened and loved every minute...it was an incredible, encouraging message. Then, another preacher, (I won't name any names) came on TV. His sermon was titled: "Seven People God Cannot Save." After listening for about 30 seconds, I was absolutely disgusted. It made me angry. I continued listening...determined to give his message a chance. It continued to make me even more mad. The entire time, all he did was condemn people to hell. If you do this (fill in the blank)...God cannot save you. If you have done this (fill in the blank)...God cannot save you. If you have ever thought about (fill in the blank)....God cannot save you. He went on and on about who God cannot save.

I began to think about his message. I started thinking about if I were a pastor...and had the unique opportunity of being on television...to reach a huge number of people for Christ...and the words I would say to them. I would make it my goal to offer people the HOPE that I have found in JESUS. I would make it my goal to spread the message of the Gospel. I would make it my goal to show others what it means when God's love has completely changed your life forever. I would make it my goal to tell others about how God sent His one and only Son to die a death we should have died...so they we can live a LIFE that JESUS should be living. I would do my best to tell them how much God loves them and cares for them even when they feel like no one does. I would do my very best to glorify God.

All I heard out of this pastor's mouth were words of condemnation. There was absolutely no hope and no encouragement. It made me sad. It made me angry. Why is it that when someone has the opportunity to changes lives, they do nothing but condemn people and have the nerve to say that God cannot save them? Why? It makes me even more mad that the place where this pastor was preaching was filled with at least 2,000 people. And every one of them was saying, "Amen" and clapping their hands for a man who was doing nothing but telling them that God could not save someone who (fill in the blank....).

Last time I checked, God can save ANYONE who simply says YES to Him...and asks forgiveness for their sins. No matter where you have been, what you have done....God can save you. No matter who you are, how you feel....God can save you. No matter how bad you think you have sinned....God can save you. No matter how far you think you may be from God....God can save you. No matter what...God can save you.

I don't know who is reading this, I may not even know you....but, my prayer is that you know that God can save you. God's Word says so.

I am not really sure how to wrap this up, so I am going to end it with lyrics to a song.

Mighty To Save -

Everyone needs compassion
Love that’s never failing
Let mercy fall on me
Everyone needs forgiveness
The kindness of a Savior
The hope of nations

Savior
He can move the mountains
For my God is mighty to save
He is mighty to save
Forever Author of salvation
He rose and conquered the grave
Jesus conquered the grave

So take me as You find me
All my fears and failures
Fill my life again
I give my life to follow
Everything I believe in
Now I surrender

Shine Your light and
Let the whole world see
We’re singing
For the glory of the risen King
Jesus

doubt, lack of confidence, and fear of failure.

Doubt has been very present in my life over the past week. It has been in full force as I have prepared for and taken my final exams...all of which I have to pass in order to graduate. Satan has been busy....I felt as if the enemy has been screaming all week long, "You can't do it. You know you aren't smart enough. You will fail." Although, I felt overcome with doubt and fear....I DID it. I passed. I didn't fail. Although Satan was busy....God was by far even more at work. And God won that battle.

Each night over the past week, I would spend time in my room, in complete silence, studying endlessly until I fell asleep. I would wake up the next morning, scared out my mind, with absolutely no confidence. Doubt had completely taken over my mind. After each exam, I would wait anxiously to find out whether I passed. I was nervous and I had absolutely no faith in myself.

I have come to the realization that worry and doubt have built a home in my life. I don't like that whatsoever...and that home needs to be torn down. I have also noticed that I have little confidence in myself. I hate that. And, I have a huge fear of failure. I am afraid to fail....at anything. I need to stop being so afraid of failing....and just go for it. I need to have more confidence...and I need to believe that I can do anything I set my mind to. I hate all of these things about myself. I want these things about me to change....and I am determined that they will.

By myself, I can't. But with God's help ... I CAN.

I can do anything because God's got my back.

Through Christ....I can do all things.

I know it. I really do believe it....but I need to work on this....and I need to completely rid myself of worry and doubt in my life. I am determined. And I am certain that with God's help, my fears, worries, and moments of doubt will disappear.

For the Lord will be your confidence
And will keep your foot from being caught.

Proverbs 3:26

This is the confidence we have in approaching God: that if we ask anything according to his will, he hears us.

1 John 5:14

I can do all things through Christ who strengthens me.

Philippians 4:13

Calling on Jesus

God is our refuge and strength,
an ever-present help in trouble.

Psalm 46:1

...and call on me in the day of trouble;

I will deliver you, and you will honor me.

Psalm 50:15

Friday night, as I was driving home from visiting my grandparents, I began having extremely sharp chest pains. They were constant. They were horrible. I wanted to get into a ball and cry my eyes out, but I still had at least another 30 minutes to drive. I contemplated calling my parents to come pick me up, but realized that I would get home quicker if I just continued driving (probably not the safest option, but oh well. I am home and safe.) As I was driving, I began calling out to Jesus. Every minute or so, I would say, "Jesus. Jesus. Jesus." I wasn't saying His name in vain, I was simply calling out to Him. That was all I could say...and at times that was just a whisper. Those were the only words I could utter. I couldn't pray. There were no words, except for the name of Jesus. And, thinking back to that night, I think that is okay. Calling on Jesus, and saying HIS name over and over was my way of praying. I'm certain that He understands.

Earlier today as I thought about it, I began to think about my Mawmaw. My Mawmaw has many health issues that have drastically altered the way that she lives. Simple tasks have become extremely difficult. Leaving the house to go somewhere is next to impossible. She has great difficulty walking down the hallway to use the restroom due to her lung capacity. Every time I am around her, I hear her call upon Jesus. According to my grandpa, she does it all the time. She cries out to her Healer. "Oh dear Jesus. Oh dear Lord. Oh dear Jesus." Jesus....is the One who can give her strength and healing. Jesus is the One who can deliver her from the circumstances she finds herself in. Only Jesus.

Then I starting thinking....what better name to cry out than the name of JESUS?

Jesus is our everything....why not cry out to Him?

Jesus is our Help in times of trouble.

Jesus is our Strength and our Salvation.

Jesus is our Healer.

Jesus is our Deliverer and our Rescuer.

Jesus is our Hope.

There is no better name than the name of Jesus. There is no better name to call upon. Jesus is the name above ALL names. As one of my favorite songs goes.... "Your Name is a strong and mighty tower. Your Name is a shelter like no other. Your Name, let the nations sing it louder....'cause nothing has the power to save...But YOUR Name."

The LORD is near to all who call on him,
to all who call on him in truth.
He fulfills the desires of those who fear him;
he hears their cry and saves them.
The LORD watches over all who love him,
but all the wicked he will destroy.

Psalm 145:18-20

the mountain tops and valleys of life.

I was thinking earlier today about the goodness of God. It amazes me just how good God is...it's an incredible thing, and I am so grateful for it. When everything in our lives seem like they are falling apart, God is still good, sovereign, holy, strong, and bigger than whatever we may be facing. I find myself amazed.

Life has so many ups and downs. Life is full of so much good, yet so much bad. That's life. I thought about how crucial it is to praise God in our good times as well as the bad. If we cannot praise God in the best times of our lives, how in the world can we praise God in the worst times? Being grateful is extremely important, and I hope that my gratitude towards God has been evident in my life no matter how good or bad things may seem to me.

When we find ourselves on the mountain top, we must give God all the Glory so that we can praise Him in the valley. Maybe everything in our life is wonderful, we need to make sure all the glory be to the One who blessed us in the first place. Maybe everything in our life is not going the way we had planned, we need to praise Him in the midst of our circumstances. Maybe things in our lives have taken a turn for the worst, we must praise Him in advance and trust that God works all things together for our good.

My prayer is that we can live lives that praise the One who has saved us. May we never be too caught up in our mountain top that we forget the God who put us there to begin with. And may we always remember to give God all the Glory ahead of time for the wonderful things He has done and will do in our lives even if we are currently in the valley.

And we know that in all things God works for the good of those who love him, who have been called according to his purpose. Romans 8:28

Beautiful ----

God is speaking to me through the lyrics to this song. I am grateful that I am treasured, I am sacred, and I am HIS. That's really all that matters.

Beautiful -- by Mercy Me

The days will come when you don't have the strength
When all you hear is you're not worth anything
Wondering if you ever could be loved
And if they truly saw your heart they'd see too much

You're beautiful
You're beautiful
You are made so much more than all of this
You're beautiful
You're beautiful
You are treasured, You are sacred, You are His
You're beautiful

And praying that you have the heart to find
Cause you are more than what is hurting you tonight
For all the lies you've held inside so long
And they are nothing in the shadow of the cross

You're beautiful
You're beautiful
You are made so much more than all of this
You're beautiful
You're beautiful
You are treasured, You are sacred, You are His
You're beautiful

Before you ever took a breath
Long before the world began
Of all the wonders He possessed
There was one more precious
Of all the earth and skys above
You're the one He madly loves
Enough to death

You're beautiful
You're beautiful
In His eyes

You're beautiful
You were meant for so much more than all of this
You're beautiful
You are treasured, You are sacred, You are His
You're beautiful
You're beautiful
You're meant for so much more than all of this
You're beautiful
You're beautiful
You are treasured, You are sacred, You are His

Ready to Run

I find myself filled with so much anticipation of what this year will bring. I am hoping, believing, and praying that God will show up in incredible ways this year. I know that He has wonderful things in store. And I have peace knowing that God has His hand on my life and He knows exactly where I'm going and where I belong. I'm trusting and seeking God as I continue my walk of faith in this new year.

I was thinking earlier that I only have two weeks and then three semesters left of my entire high school career. In the fall, I'll be a senior and will be applying to colleges and making the biggest decision of my life thus far as I choose the college that is right for me. I know that God knows exactly where I'll be going and I'm finding so much comfort in that.

I was thinking about 2010 and realized once again that God is faithful in the midst of my circumstances. And I know without a doubt that God will be there this year and will be faithful just like He has been. Although I know that life isn't easy, and I know that 2011 will come with it's own challenges, struggles, and difficulties....I also know that my God is faithful, and that the God I serve will carry me through whatever life storm I may find myself in. God is just so good.

I am in awe. Complete and total awe of what God has already done in my life. It amazes me and I am so excited to see what God has waiting for this year. I know that no matter what....God is with me through it all and I am incredibly grateful for His love, provision, and hand on my life.

"Therefore, since we are surrounded by such a great cloud of witnesses, let us throw off everything that hinders and the sin that so easily entangles. And let us run with perseverance the race marked out for us, fixing our eyes on Jesus, the pioneer and perfecter of faith. For the joy set before him he endured the cross, scorning its shame, and sat down at the right hand of the throne of God. Consider him who endured such opposition from sinners, so that you will not grow weary and lose heart." Hebrews 12:1-3

My prayer is that we can all forgive easily, laugh frequently, pray continuously, and love unconditionally. It's going to be an incredible ride. I am ready to run the race that God has set before me. I am fixing my eyes on Jesus this 2011.

Ready...set...go...