One month.

"...and He shall wipe away every tear from their eyes; and death shall be no more; neither shall their be mourning, nor crying, nor pain, any more: the first things are passed away." Revelation 21:4, NIV.

Yesterday marked one month since my Mawmaw and best "buddy" went to be with Jesus. I don't think it has gotten any easier without her. It's been a month since I've held her hand and heard her sweet voice. Sometimes it doesn't even seem real, other times it seems so real it hurts. Nothing can prepare you for the loss of someone who has been such an instrumental part of your life. Although, sadness and grief can overwhelm us, I have never been more grateful for the Hope we have in Jesus. "Jesus has overcome and the grave is overwhelmed, the victory is won, He is Risen from the dead...."

I have learned several things about grief. Grief can hit you like a ton of bricks. And grief is necessary. Tears are inevitable, and when they fall, they are healing. The other day, I was cleaning and going through some things....I came across a stack of Christmas, Birthday, and Get Well Soon cards that people have given me over the last few years. I found several cards that my Mawmaw had given me, and immediately fell apart. Sitting in the middle of the floor in my room, I bawled as I realized that I wouldn't receive another card from my Mawmaw. I realized that life as my entire family knew it, had changed. All holidays would forever be different. But as hard as it is and will be, I know that she is with us. She is in Heaven watching over us....and I've never been more determined in my life to make someone proud.

Not a day goes by that she doesn't cross my mind....and although I miss her terribly, I'm rejoicing that she's received her Prize. Our loss is Heaven's gain. She is now with the One she's been longing to see! And when my time comes, "I will Rise when He calls my name, no more sorrow, no more pain, I will Rise on eagles' wings, before my God, fall on my knees, and rise.....I will Rise...." I'll be ready and I'll be with my "best buddy" again.

I read this quote the other day and found it so helpful. "You can shed tears that she is gone, or you can smile that she has lived. You can close your eyes and pray she'll come back, or you can open your eyes and see all she's left. Your heart can be empty because you can't see her, or can be full of the love you shared. You can turn your back on tomorrow and live yesterday, or you can be happy for tomorrow because of yesterday. You can remember her only that she is gone, or you can cherish her memory and let it live on. You can cry and close your mind, be empty and turn your back. Or you can do what she'd want: smile, open your eyes, love and go on." -David Harkins.

Although our sadness is inevitable, I am going to smile because she has lived, and cherish her memory, letting it live on. And in all I do, I promise to make her proud. I am who I am because of the woman that she was. I am a better person for having known her and having been loved by her. Thank you God, for all the time I had with this beautiful woman of God. I am forever changed by her love.