death, grief, and hope.

Death. A subject that is rarely talked or written about, yet it's also a subject that cuts the deepest. In my personal opinion, losing a loved one is the most difficult and excruciating thing any person will ever deal with. Death changes lives and changes people. My grandmother's death in April changed my life, and the lives of those in my family. I vividly remember the day we found out that my Mawmaw had a mere 48 hours left to live. It was a moment we all saw coming as she had been struggling with a horrible long term illness. I sat in a chair in her room in the Intensive Care Unit, and the doctor came in and called my mother and grandpa out of the room. I knew at that moment that the news they would hear wouldn't be good.

I watched my grandmother as she was hooked up to countless machines...and for the first time in a while, she looked comfortable. We had spoken to her the evening before, but the medication she was on had her heavily sedated. Before they came back in, I watched my sweet Mawmaw as she took each breath...I held her hand and gently touched her hair...something that she had spent years doing the same to me. I'll never forget the feeling when they came back into that tiny hospital room and said the words, "48 hours to live." We had all seen it coming, but I had never wanted to face it. I dreaded the day that I would lose my sweet Mawmaw. Tears flowed. I'll never forget looking at her and realizing that within 48 hours, she would no longer be with us.

Later on that day, my entire family filled the room and the doctor took off the machine that was acting as her ventilator. We were told that it could be any amount of time: from an hour to many hours. It just depended on the person. We were all one big mess as we told stories, shared memories, laughed, and especially cried. I vividly remember bursting out into sobs at one point. Terri came over to me and hugged me as I cried. Once I calmed down enough, I asked her to pray. I am not sure I've ever heard a more powerful prayer in all of my life. It was a moment that I went from complete sobs to a strong sense of peace. In that moment, I knew that together, with God's help, my family would make it through this difficult time.

It wasn't until the following day, on April 4th, that my Mawmaw took her last breath on earth. She made her departure and entered into the Joy of her Maker. It was a moment that is forever engraved into the minds and hearts of all who were in the room. The depth of the pain my family was feeling was by far the deepest we've felt. It was excruciating, but in the midst of it, we also had (and still do) a tremendous sense of peace in knowing that she was Home and was with Jesus, where she had been longing to be.

I have never been more grateful for the HOPE that we have in Jesus. My family is still grieving, but not as those without hope. I've learned that you never get over grief and the loss of a loved one, you just get through it. It's a journey, and one that I don't think ever ends. The pain of losing someone is the worst thing in the world, but I am more than grateful that this earth is not our Home. Death isn't a subject that is really discussed. It isn't something that is fun to think about, hear about, read about, or talk about. But, it's necessary. And so is grief. Death is something that comes into our lives, and causes much pain and sorrow. Death is something that changes lives, and changes people. It's changing me. But, the good news is: there is hope in Jesus, and Jesus is our hope when we feel like we have everything...and when we feel like we've lost everything. And absolutely NOTHING can separate us from the love, hope, and eternal life we find in Jesus...not even death. Praise God.

"For I am convinced that neither death nor life, neither angels nor demons, neither the present nor the future, nor any powers, neither height nor depth, nor anything else in all creation, will be able to separate us from the love of God that is in Christ Jesus our Lord." Romans 8:38-39