doubt, lack of confidence, and fear of failure.

Doubt has been very present in my life over the past week. It has been in full force as I have prepared for and taken my final exams...all of which I have to pass in order to graduate. Satan has been busy....I felt as if the enemy has been screaming all week long, "You can't do it. You know you aren't smart enough. You will fail." Although, I felt overcome with doubt and fear....I DID it. I passed. I didn't fail. Although Satan was busy....God was by far even more at work. And God won that battle.

Each night over the past week, I would spend time in my room, in complete silence, studying endlessly until I fell asleep. I would wake up the next morning, scared out my mind, with absolutely no confidence. Doubt had completely taken over my mind. After each exam, I would wait anxiously to find out whether I passed. I was nervous and I had absolutely no faith in myself.

I have come to the realization that worry and doubt have built a home in my life. I don't like that whatsoever...and that home needs to be torn down. I have also noticed that I have little confidence in myself. I hate that. And, I have a huge fear of failure. I am afraid to fail....at anything. I need to stop being so afraid of failing....and just go for it. I need to have more confidence...and I need to believe that I can do anything I set my mind to. I hate all of these things about myself. I want these things about me to change....and I am determined that they will.

By myself, I can't. But with God's help ... I CAN.

I can do anything because God's got my back.

Through Christ....I can do all things.

I know it. I really do believe it....but I need to work on this....and I need to completely rid myself of worry and doubt in my life. I am determined. And I am certain that with God's help, my fears, worries, and moments of doubt will disappear.

For the Lord will be your confidence
And will keep your foot from being caught.

Proverbs 3:26

This is the confidence we have in approaching God: that if we ask anything according to his will, he hears us.

1 John 5:14

I can do all things through Christ who strengthens me.

Philippians 4:13

Calling on Jesus

God is our refuge and strength,
an ever-present help in trouble.

Psalm 46:1

...and call on me in the day of trouble;

I will deliver you, and you will honor me.

Psalm 50:15

Friday night, as I was driving home from visiting my grandparents, I began having extremely sharp chest pains. They were constant. They were horrible. I wanted to get into a ball and cry my eyes out, but I still had at least another 30 minutes to drive. I contemplated calling my parents to come pick me up, but realized that I would get home quicker if I just continued driving (probably not the safest option, but oh well. I am home and safe.) As I was driving, I began calling out to Jesus. Every minute or so, I would say, "Jesus. Jesus. Jesus." I wasn't saying His name in vain, I was simply calling out to Him. That was all I could say...and at times that was just a whisper. Those were the only words I could utter. I couldn't pray. There were no words, except for the name of Jesus. And, thinking back to that night, I think that is okay. Calling on Jesus, and saying HIS name over and over was my way of praying. I'm certain that He understands.

Earlier today as I thought about it, I began to think about my Mawmaw. My Mawmaw has many health issues that have drastically altered the way that she lives. Simple tasks have become extremely difficult. Leaving the house to go somewhere is next to impossible. She has great difficulty walking down the hallway to use the restroom due to her lung capacity. Every time I am around her, I hear her call upon Jesus. According to my grandpa, she does it all the time. She cries out to her Healer. "Oh dear Jesus. Oh dear Lord. Oh dear Jesus." Jesus....is the One who can give her strength and healing. Jesus is the One who can deliver her from the circumstances she finds herself in. Only Jesus.

Then I starting thinking....what better name to cry out than the name of JESUS?

Jesus is our everything....why not cry out to Him?

Jesus is our Help in times of trouble.

Jesus is our Strength and our Salvation.

Jesus is our Healer.

Jesus is our Deliverer and our Rescuer.

Jesus is our Hope.

There is no better name than the name of Jesus. There is no better name to call upon. Jesus is the name above ALL names. As one of my favorite songs goes.... "Your Name is a strong and mighty tower. Your Name is a shelter like no other. Your Name, let the nations sing it louder....'cause nothing has the power to save...But YOUR Name."

The LORD is near to all who call on him,
to all who call on him in truth.
He fulfills the desires of those who fear him;
he hears their cry and saves them.
The LORD watches over all who love him,
but all the wicked he will destroy.

Psalm 145:18-20

the mountain tops and valleys of life.

I was thinking earlier today about the goodness of God. It amazes me just how good God is...it's an incredible thing, and I am so grateful for it. When everything in our lives seem like they are falling apart, God is still good, sovereign, holy, strong, and bigger than whatever we may be facing. I find myself amazed.

Life has so many ups and downs. Life is full of so much good, yet so much bad. That's life. I thought about how crucial it is to praise God in our good times as well as the bad. If we cannot praise God in the best times of our lives, how in the world can we praise God in the worst times? Being grateful is extremely important, and I hope that my gratitude towards God has been evident in my life no matter how good or bad things may seem to me.

When we find ourselves on the mountain top, we must give God all the Glory so that we can praise Him in the valley. Maybe everything in our life is wonderful, we need to make sure all the glory be to the One who blessed us in the first place. Maybe everything in our life is not going the way we had planned, we need to praise Him in the midst of our circumstances. Maybe things in our lives have taken a turn for the worst, we must praise Him in advance and trust that God works all things together for our good.

My prayer is that we can live lives that praise the One who has saved us. May we never be too caught up in our mountain top that we forget the God who put us there to begin with. And may we always remember to give God all the Glory ahead of time for the wonderful things He has done and will do in our lives even if we are currently in the valley.

And we know that in all things God works for the good of those who love him, who have been called according to his purpose. Romans 8:28

Beautiful ----

God is speaking to me through the lyrics to this song. I am grateful that I am treasured, I am sacred, and I am HIS. That's really all that matters.

Beautiful -- by Mercy Me

The days will come when you don't have the strength
When all you hear is you're not worth anything
Wondering if you ever could be loved
And if they truly saw your heart they'd see too much

You're beautiful
You're beautiful
You are made so much more than all of this
You're beautiful
You're beautiful
You are treasured, You are sacred, You are His
You're beautiful

And praying that you have the heart to find
Cause you are more than what is hurting you tonight
For all the lies you've held inside so long
And they are nothing in the shadow of the cross

You're beautiful
You're beautiful
You are made so much more than all of this
You're beautiful
You're beautiful
You are treasured, You are sacred, You are His
You're beautiful

Before you ever took a breath
Long before the world began
Of all the wonders He possessed
There was one more precious
Of all the earth and skys above
You're the one He madly loves
Enough to death

You're beautiful
You're beautiful
In His eyes

You're beautiful
You were meant for so much more than all of this
You're beautiful
You are treasured, You are sacred, You are His
You're beautiful
You're beautiful
You're meant for so much more than all of this
You're beautiful
You're beautiful
You are treasured, You are sacred, You are His

Ready to Run

I find myself filled with so much anticipation of what this year will bring. I am hoping, believing, and praying that God will show up in incredible ways this year. I know that He has wonderful things in store. And I have peace knowing that God has His hand on my life and He knows exactly where I'm going and where I belong. I'm trusting and seeking God as I continue my walk of faith in this new year.

I was thinking earlier that I only have two weeks and then three semesters left of my entire high school career. In the fall, I'll be a senior and will be applying to colleges and making the biggest decision of my life thus far as I choose the college that is right for me. I know that God knows exactly where I'll be going and I'm finding so much comfort in that.

I was thinking about 2010 and realized once again that God is faithful in the midst of my circumstances. And I know without a doubt that God will be there this year and will be faithful just like He has been. Although I know that life isn't easy, and I know that 2011 will come with it's own challenges, struggles, and difficulties....I also know that my God is faithful, and that the God I serve will carry me through whatever life storm I may find myself in. God is just so good.

I am in awe. Complete and total awe of what God has already done in my life. It amazes me and I am so excited to see what God has waiting for this year. I know that no matter what....God is with me through it all and I am incredibly grateful for His love, provision, and hand on my life.

"Therefore, since we are surrounded by such a great cloud of witnesses, let us throw off everything that hinders and the sin that so easily entangles. And let us run with perseverance the race marked out for us, fixing our eyes on Jesus, the pioneer and perfecter of faith. For the joy set before him he endured the cross, scorning its shame, and sat down at the right hand of the throne of God. Consider him who endured such opposition from sinners, so that you will not grow weary and lose heart." Hebrews 12:1-3

My prayer is that we can all forgive easily, laugh frequently, pray continuously, and love unconditionally. It's going to be an incredible ride. I am ready to run the race that God has set before me. I am fixing my eyes on Jesus this 2011.

Ready...set...go...

as 2010 comes to an end...

As I sit down to reflect on 2010 and the year it has been...I find my heart filled with gratitude.

• I am grateful for my Savior. I am in awe of how God works and the lengths at which God will go to bring us back to Him...no matter how distant we feel from Him. The love, peace, and joy I have felt in the midst of whatever I might be going through, no matter how dark my circumstances seem has been simply incredible. I've learned that sometimes God is even more present in my life on the darkest of days. I am grateful for that and for the New Life that I have found in the One who guides my way with His light.


• I am grateful that life isn't always easy, but it's worth it. This year has been a continuous struggle for me personally but because of the difficulties I have faced, I am closer to God because I've had to trust in Him more than I ever had before. It's a good thing in a way, and I am so grateful that I can place my hope in Jesus because I know He will not let me down.

• I am grateful for time. Although time goes by quickly, I will forever cherish the time I am able to spend with those that I love so deeply. As this year has been a reality check in understanding that my loved ones won't be here on earth forever, I am grateful that in the end Jesus has won and death is overcome.


• I am grateful for the love that I receive from my family and friends. Through their love, I know that Jesus loves me.


• I am grateful for the ways in which God has and is moving in my life and in the lives of those around me. I went from longing to feel God's presence to feeling it in a tangible, incredible way.


• I am grateful for all the days of this year. The days that I laughed, cryed tears of joy and of heartache, the days that I felt good and the ones I felt bad, the happy days, and the not so happy days.


• I am grateful that God understands our prayers even when we don't have the words to say them. There have been countless times this year where I have layed in bed, with no words, and simply cried. I know that God knows my heart and I am so thankful for that.


• I am grateful for the people who are willing to listen to me, encourage me, laugh with me, cry with me, and pray for me.


• I am grateful that my life isn't what I thought it would be, and that it is more than I could have ever imagined.


• I am grateful that although I may not have the answers, God does. I am grateful that although I am uncertain, my God is not. I am grateful that God never ever lets go of me.


• I am grateful that I'm learning. Although, it's been a struggle for me, I am trusting and trying to understand that my plans for me might be different from God's plans for me. And although they may not match up, I know that God's plans for me are far greater than my plans for myself...and I just need to trust that He will lead me so that I can live the life that God has prepared for me.

• I am grateful for those who have shown me Jesus. For those who understand my pain, for those who see past my faults and see my potential, and for those who love me no matter what. I know that my God is real because there are people in this world who have shown me His love. Thank you.....to my mother, and my aunt, Terri.....and especially to my Mawmaw. These three women are my heroes, my inspirations, and my constant sources of love and encouragement. Forever grateful.

• I am grateful that... God can turn my trials into victories. God turns my mourning into dancing. God turns my sadness into joy. God turns my sorrow into strength. God gives my uneasy heart a tremendous feeling of peace. God understands my pain and can take it all away. God hears my prayers. God's timing is more than perfect, although sometimes that is difficult to understand. God has a plan for me and my life. God loves me unconditionally. God knows my heart. And God is always with me.


• I am grateful for a year that has taught me so much about life in general. I am grateful for all that God has done...and I am grateful that the best is yet to come. Here's to 2011.

It's free.

The other day in physical science, we were in groups...and two of my classmates brought up the subject of religion. Lately, it seems I just can't help myself when this topic comes up....I just have to say something. One of the group members said that she is agnostic...she said that she isn't atheist but she just doesn't know what to believe. To me, it seemed like she is searching...for something, and I don't think she even knows what it is. Finally, without even thinking I said, "You are more than welcome to come to church with me." She kind of laughed, to which I replied, "For real." She responded, "Don't try to sell me on the whole church, Jesus, and religion stuff." I'm not sure what came over me, but I replied and said, "I'm not trying to sell you anything, it's free."

It's free.

The love of God is free.

The forgiveness that Jesus offers is free.

The unreal and simply incredible way that God can change you from the inside out is free.

Totally free.

The restoration Jesus offers is free.

The joy and peace that comes from knowing Jesus is free.

Having the knowledge that there is a God that loves you and cares for you is free.

It's free.

Absolutely positively free ... no strings attached.

100% free.

Maybe you are searching for something and maybe you don't even know what it is ... Remember that sometimes you don't know what you are looking for until you find it. My prayer for you is that it may be Jesus. Because Jesus can be the something that you are looking for ... and Jesus can go from being the treasure you found to being your everything. I know I can say without a doubt that Jesus is everything to me.

It's free. And it can be all yours.