Wednesday, March 24, 2010
end of my rope
I am at the end of my rope with feeling dizzy, lightheaded, feeling my heart race, feeling short of breath, feeling as if I'm gonna pass out...feeling tired, wondering if I have the strength to make it through a seemingly simple school day. Tired of feeling weak. Mostly, I'm sick of feeling like this and not knowing what is wrong, what these symptoms could be. I'm tired of having to keep going when I feel like this. Say a little prayer for me, would you?
Sunday, March 14, 2010
letting go & trusting God.
I have my moments when I feel like I have a lot to say, and plenty of wisdom to share. So, here we go... I was thinking about how sometimes as humans, we are afraid to let go. We wonder what may happen...and thoughts cross our minds, often we doubt ourselves--and sometimes even God.
I remember the fear of learning how to ride a bike (with no training wheels.) It's a scary thing to a small child, is it not? Not having those training wheels to keep your balance for you. Most children have their parents, siblings, or someone to help them, and hold on to them as they first begin to learn. They have someone to lean on, hold them up--keep them from falling, right? Well, there comes a point where you they have to let go...and you have to go....on your own.
As I was babysitting today, the baby (1 year old) is beginning to walk, he will walk and hold your hand, hold on to furniture, hold on to anything nearby to keep from falling...as I helped him walk, I noticed that he never once fell down while he held onto my hand, but he never let go of me either. I watched and decided to slowly let go of him, wondering what he would do... At first, he didn't notice, but once he saw he wasn't holding onto anyone, he fell down. It's almost as if the fear inside of him of "doing it all alone" stopped him. And as long as someone he trusted was holding him and helping him, he could do it.
Granted, riding a bike and learning how to walk are seemingly small -- isn't it the same thing as our relationships with God? We all know that God is with is all the time, always there to listen, etc... but sometimes we have to let go of certain things, and trust Him. Trust that He will provide and take good care of us. God has never failed us, and He has made a promise that He never will fail to be our Rock and our Savior. I think if our faith in God (and in ourselves) was large enough--and we trusted in Him like we should, we wouldn't be so afraid of "letting go."
I know that we can't do everything on our own, and sometimes holding on is the only thing we can do....but if we trust God instead of doubting him, then maybe, just maybe letting go may be a little easier.
Let go & Let God.
"Forget the former things; do not dwell on the past. Isaiah 43:18
"Be strong and courageous. Do not be afraid or terrified because of them, for the LORD your God goes with you; he will never leave you nor forsake you."
Deuteronomy 31:6
This may not make as much sense to you, as it does in my head...but I hope it encourages someone and gives a great reminder that we serve a great God, and all we need to do is Trust.
I remember the fear of learning how to ride a bike (with no training wheels.) It's a scary thing to a small child, is it not? Not having those training wheels to keep your balance for you. Most children have their parents, siblings, or someone to help them, and hold on to them as they first begin to learn. They have someone to lean on, hold them up--keep them from falling, right? Well, there comes a point where you they have to let go...and you have to go....on your own.
As I was babysitting today, the baby (1 year old) is beginning to walk, he will walk and hold your hand, hold on to furniture, hold on to anything nearby to keep from falling...as I helped him walk, I noticed that he never once fell down while he held onto my hand, but he never let go of me either. I watched and decided to slowly let go of him, wondering what he would do... At first, he didn't notice, but once he saw he wasn't holding onto anyone, he fell down. It's almost as if the fear inside of him of "doing it all alone" stopped him. And as long as someone he trusted was holding him and helping him, he could do it.
Granted, riding a bike and learning how to walk are seemingly small -- isn't it the same thing as our relationships with God? We all know that God is with is all the time, always there to listen, etc... but sometimes we have to let go of certain things, and trust Him. Trust that He will provide and take good care of us. God has never failed us, and He has made a promise that He never will fail to be our Rock and our Savior. I think if our faith in God (and in ourselves) was large enough--and we trusted in Him like we should, we wouldn't be so afraid of "letting go."
I know that we can't do everything on our own, and sometimes holding on is the only thing we can do....but if we trust God instead of doubting him, then maybe, just maybe letting go may be a little easier.
Let go & Let God.
"Forget the former things; do not dwell on the past. Isaiah 43:18
"Be strong and courageous. Do not be afraid or terrified because of them, for the LORD your God goes with you; he will never leave you nor forsake you."
Deuteronomy 31:6
This may not make as much sense to you, as it does in my head...but I hope it encourages someone and gives a great reminder that we serve a great God, and all we need to do is Trust.
Wednesday, March 10, 2010
today ...
Today was one of those days where things just didn't go my way. I don't feel well. Walking up stairs, long distances, through school hallways...hasn't gotten easier. School days haven't gotten easier. They drag on and take so much out of me. Every single day, I wonder why...why I am feeling this way. The dizziness, headaches, shortness of breath, etc... Say a little prayer for me today...I know my God is listening and He is faithful.
Friday, March 5, 2010
thoughts.
I've been in somewhat of a funk. Being sick, and feeling tired all of the time has brought me down emotionally and obviously physically. I've been doing more than I should...but because I need it. Last weekend, I went to IHOP and to the movies with my friends. Last night, I had a sleepover with a friend and went to lunch and a movie. I am now exhausted from doing a little bit too much all at once, but....I needed it. I needed time with friends. Time to laugh. Time to have fun.
Tonight I went to my grandparents' house to celebrate their 63rd Anniversary...they are a wonderful example to me of what love is all about. Love that lasts forever...in sickness and in health...love that is a "no matter what" thing. Sixty three years is a huge accomplishment...and what a blessing they are to me.
Family and friends are indeed thr best therapy....other than prayer, of course.
Tomorrow we celebrate my brother's 18th birthday. Happy Birthday Matt!
Goodnight :)
Tonight I went to my grandparents' house to celebrate their 63rd Anniversary...they are a wonderful example to me of what love is all about. Love that lasts forever...in sickness and in health...love that is a "no matter what" thing. Sixty three years is a huge accomplishment...and what a blessing they are to me.
Family and friends are indeed thr best therapy....other than prayer, of course.
Tomorrow we celebrate my brother's 18th birthday. Happy Birthday Matt!
Goodnight :)
Tuesday, March 2, 2010
Through the Fire.
I can't think of another song that I can relate to as much as I can relate to this one:
Through the Fire:
So many times i've questioned certain circumstances
Or things I could not understand
Many times in trials, weakness blurs my vision
And my frustration gets so out of hand
Its then I am reminded I've never been forsaken
I've never had to stand the test alone
As I look at all the victories
The spirit rises up in me
And its through the fire my weakness is made strong
He never promised that the cross would not get heavy
And the hill would not be hard to climb
He never offered our victories without fighting
But He said help would always come in time
Just remember when your standing in the valley of decision
And the adversary says give in
Just hold on, our Lord will show up
And He will take you through the fire again
I know within myself that I would surely perish
But if I trust the hand of God, He'll shield the flames again, again
Life hasn't been easy the past 2 months. I've gotten up everyday, gone to school, continued through my schedule when all I want to do is lay down. A day at school to me feels like an eternity. It hasn't been fun, but I will get through it. Just walking up the stairs takes so much energy out of me, makes me feel so dizzy. One day, I will be able to look back on this...God will get me through this fire. But for right now, I am clinging to the hope that this fire will soon be put out. This may not seem like much to you, but my health this year has had an impact on my life. Don't take your good health for granted....because some people have a difficult time "bouncing back" from illnesses that seem so easy to get over.
God bless.
Through the Fire:
So many times i've questioned certain circumstances
Or things I could not understand
Many times in trials, weakness blurs my vision
And my frustration gets so out of hand
Its then I am reminded I've never been forsaken
I've never had to stand the test alone
As I look at all the victories
The spirit rises up in me
And its through the fire my weakness is made strong
He never promised that the cross would not get heavy
And the hill would not be hard to climb
He never offered our victories without fighting
But He said help would always come in time
Just remember when your standing in the valley of decision
And the adversary says give in
Just hold on, our Lord will show up
And He will take you through the fire again
I know within myself that I would surely perish
But if I trust the hand of God, He'll shield the flames again, again
Life hasn't been easy the past 2 months. I've gotten up everyday, gone to school, continued through my schedule when all I want to do is lay down. A day at school to me feels like an eternity. It hasn't been fun, but I will get through it. Just walking up the stairs takes so much energy out of me, makes me feel so dizzy. One day, I will be able to look back on this...God will get me through this fire. But for right now, I am clinging to the hope that this fire will soon be put out. This may not seem like much to you, but my health this year has had an impact on my life. Don't take your good health for granted....because some people have a difficult time "bouncing back" from illnesses that seem so easy to get over.
God bless.
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