God's love.

Isn't it crazy just how much God loves us? I'm not going to lie, this week alone has been rough...tests, xrays, doctors, dr offices, emergency rooms, hospitals....i could go on and on. Through it all, God was there and IS here. As a song my church's choir did Sunday says, "My God will show up and take me through the fire again......" How true is that???? These words have stuck with me. I'm hopeful for medical answers to explain why I feel like I do...and I am 100% sure that God will take me through the fire.

sigh.........

Ever just felt like giving up? Ever felt so weak, that you didn't know how you were able to get out of bed in the morning?

This is where I'm at right now.
I've been to doctor after doctor...after doctor. And I'm still not well.
This tightness in my chest and shortness of breath just won't go away. I can't take it anymore. I just need someone's help. I've been told that there is nothing they can do. I've been told to simply "give it time." And let me just say, "giving it time" and "hanging in there" is taking a toll on me and my body: physically, emotionally, and mentally.

I'm expected to get up everyday and go to school, wear myself out, and just keep going...when all I feel like doing is laying down.

I'm weak. My energy is gone.

I know my body well enough to know, that I am not okay. Something is up.

Pray please.

weakness

Life gets a little busy sometimes. Actually, lately I have felt like I couldn't catch a breath. Literally. I went to the doctor yesterday because I still have so much tightness in my chest. I was given a steroid to try to relieve it. Not sure how much it is helping. He said the symptoms are likely to be related to weather, and the cold air, which are almost asthmatic symptoms. I'm hoping this steroid does a little something. I'm ready to be well. I have found myself thinking, "What if I gave up? Stopped trying? How am I able to keep going everyday???" Then I realized...I have been able to keep going because of God's unfailing love for me. It hasn't been easy. Because although I'm sick and my body is telling me to slow down, the world doesn't slow down. So I have to keep going. Everyday, when I get home from school I normally go straight upstairs to my bed.....to sleep. Most days I sleep 2 hours in the afternoon. The very fact that I am that physically exhausted and weak scares me terribly. I'm that person who is always busy, on the go, never just at home doing nothing. But lately, it isn't the case. One day, I will be well and back to my normal self. But for now, I'm gonna slow down and ask you: will you pray for me today? I want so badly to do whatever I want, without feeling weak....or feeling like I have hardly any strength.

Thank you blog readers!

joy

Just one thing after another.
First, Bronchitis & Strep.
Second, Pneumonia.
Third, Pleurisy.
and now...? Shingles!!

It seems to never end. I am exhausted...I feel like I can't get better from one thing before another problem arises.

But I am grateful anyway...

I am grateful for the very fact that I have the stamina to get myself out of bed in the morning, go to school, then do hours of homework, then do it ALL over again (with these illnesses)... that is God Himself in action!

I am grateful that these illnesses aren't any worse---I've had it tough, but there are many who have it a lot tougher...there are so many who are struggling with long-term illnesses...there are so many people who are struggling with diseases, and there are too many who are fighting for their lives. My heart goes out to these people.....

I am grateful for a new semester, a new chance for new grades, new teachers, and new friends. It's tough...it's rigorous....but it's better than last semester. Nobody said life would be easy, just worth it! :)

I am grateful for my family and their constant support. Incredible parents who love me, provide for me, take care of me, and are my support system. They are amazing!

I am grateful for those who I am really really really missing....my aunt, Tewi. It's been over a month since I've seen her---and I'm not liking it at all. Thank God for texting, facebook, twitter, email, etc. And my grandparents as well, I haven't been able to see them in about a week and a half....and for someone who saw them everyday for months after their accident - that's a big deal. Hopefully this weekend!

I'm grateful that tomorrow's Friday, because I don't think I can go on any longer.

I'm grateful for naps...because that's what I am about to do.

I'm grateful for God's constant, consistant, never changing, totally powerful LOVE. Because that is the best kind of love that there is in this world. Without Him, I wouldn't be anywhere. My God is Mighty to Save...and He saved my life. So grateful.

I'm grateful for joy. 2010 hasn't been the most amazing thing ever, but I know it has been joyful. And I know I've quoted this a million times...but one more time won't hurt:
"My joy is not determined by what happens to me, but what Christ is doing in me and through me." -Pastor Steven Furtick, Elevation Church


Well. This is it. I'm grateful and refuse to not have joy. Have a happy Friday. :)

where I'm at right now...

"But they that wait upon the LORD shall renew their strength; they shall mount up with wings as eagles; they shall run, and not be weary; and they shall walk, and not faint." Isaiah 40:31

There are relationships in my life currently that don't seem like they are going anywhere. At one point, they have been better...but recently, they have felt like they are going downhill. I feel like I am the only one trying...I feel like it's a one way street when really it should be a two way street. I am running out of energy, I'm tired of putting my energy into something that isn't going anywhere. Some people would rather be mad than work something out...and I'm on the recieving end of that...and I'm going to tell you right now, it hurts.

"Wait on the Lord, be of good courage, and he shall strengthen thine heart. Wait, I say on the Lord." Psalms 27:14


I'm going to let God take over, and let God do His thing. He has a plan for my life, and for the relationships within my life. I have prayed and prayed...and I'm telling you know, I won't stop. With God, all things are possible...and I'm trusting in Him. I'm praying that He will give me the patience I need to let Him take over... I believe He can change things...and He has the power to do great things.

"The Lord is my strength and my shield;
My heart trusted in Him, and I am helped;
Therefore my heart greatly rejoices,
And with my song I will praise Him." Psalm 28:7


So...this is where I'm at...and this blog is a place for me to spill my emotions and just let go, so that's what I'm going to do. Let go. And let God take over.

"Trust in the Lord with all your heart, and lean not on your own understanding; in all your ways acknowledge Him, and He shall direct your paths." Proverbs 3:5-6

"Blessed are all those who put their trust in Him." Psalm 2:12